A Temple of Love

 As soon as you can build that and not need.

You'll find that space where your face takes its normal place on your face. 

Thats when we'll reunite. 

Pride Poe

 I did say I'd share every burden and every obstacle. 

And i did. In my own way. 

But the want of too much is to me by memory without the grit of new experience. 

Thats what you really want it seems. 

Did you know? 

If you knew what you were then you'd already know. 

Perhaps youd rather keep my light in a bushel. Afraid of losing something, I dont know what exactly. 

But it isnt me. Because it seems clear that if you did youd already have yourself, and so far it seems you dont. 

How a paradox. A clear view that's afraid to see. 

So far. Thats what you seem to me. To like to die out of habit.

Dying is easy and living is a bit more grit then the sand that youre used too. 

That bit of twinges of jealousy like a did you know is wasted on me. 

It's you who'd prefer a partner rather than see. 

And thats the difference between us. 

I have too much pride for that. 

Cookie dough wistful flowers

 Walking along a time spent afternoon, I got to remember by seeing.

A tree of golden sunlight that let me to a market where I got my coffee nearby. 

A skip and a hop and some irrelevant smart sounding nonsense littered the ground.

I felt no connection to that paper, so I let it be where it decided to drop. 

Walking from there I imagined walking where I would like. 

There's a garden close by. I like their lantana deals that I can plant in my garden for 3.50 or so. 

They like to glisten in the sun and seem to have found their memory with me wherever I go. 

But then I remembered I like cookie dough and milk at home. That's the nature of what I remember in my childhood. 

A world that's big but cookie dough at home is something that can greet me. It's safe and strong.

That is the nature of social negotiation. If I listen well I always have my dough.

Freedom

 I really am tired of writing for the big toes of others. 

And so in the interest of clarity I like to eat cakes, strawberries and enjoy myself. 

I like hanging out with old friends who just enjoy my company. 

I like to work without people constantly triggering my sense of truth. 

That button may be there and I may have voluntarily put it there, but you don't have to push that. 

Just like a woman who used safe words to navigate around scary neighborhoods obviously wouldn't want to be raped. I don't want to have my truth pushed all the time. 

No matter what you hear, you can't be me. You're you and I'm me.

Life as Mother

 I do like to write for the sake of the beauty of writing. 

            Tis a logic free clear. 

It need only reflect that which is right now. 

I may need a tow later. I may not. 

        There is no such thing as manifestation, only a clear view of what already is. 

The only real choice is to choose life or death and I choose life. 

It's a simple clear plan. The one thing that my mother needed to teach me. 

It's not whether you choose me or not. Or whether you choose him or not. 

You either choose life or reject life in every choice you make. 

Is the life you're trying to choose an insult to life itself? 

If the answer is yes then that's your answer. 

Stop trying to get death to answer in a way that only life can spring.

Arranged marriages as a form of thieving prostitution

 Everything I have and am is a reflection of my character. It cant be bought or sold. And the lesson of stable truth took the truth train away from arranged prostitution. 

Heres the thing. If my twin wanted to be bought or sold she cant have me. 

Escaping arranged prostitution is her business not mine. 

Good character recognizes good character. And that also means I wont accept any arranged marriage offers anywhere. I like my heaven the way it is thank you and arranged prostitution just isnt for me. 

For further reading

 I recommend Walden Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson and Sir Thomas Moore. Walden Thoreau for his nature Journal type writing, Ralph Waldo Emerson for his beautiful naive style of writing, especially on his essays on friendship love and intelligence, and Sir Thomas Moore because of his poetry and his beautiful artistic engravings. 

Two types of love

 And no, it isn't about how to function in a relationship that already exists. If one person makes you see warmth and calm and another makes you see routine and something boring like commitment, then "who should I be with" is the wrong question. I would suggest that the person who has that challenging energy of warmth and light isn't necessarily someone you want, though that person could be. 

The real issue is that person represents someone you could be, and the person your with represents the you that you're not satisfied with. 

Remember, it's not about you and me, or you and him. It's about you and you. The healthy state your in, the relative spiritual sickness you may have, and the spiritual healing that you require. 

There's a straight up archetype of the devil that fascinates me. Imagine that the enlightenment period created two worlds of shade for the devil to rest in apart from everywhere else. One is when the devil stayed in Africa as a sane priest and ambassador from Europe next to the tribe of Shakazulu. 

In this state he was able to reduce all messages to animism that reflected an inner animistic type of thinking that nurtured common sense and independence. That's what Tarot is to me. You reduce the messages from others to cards so that type of advice is always reflected in your own environment apart from the will or desire of others. That's not just Tarot for me. 

The deepest form of animism though isn't outside objectified thinking. 

Imagine the best memories you have of me, as I'd prefer, because that's the energy that's challenging you. What that represents is a type of living that you could be that you don't have. Otherwise you wouldn't have reduced it to "who should I be with, this or that." You can't be me. Even if you were with me instead of him you'd find it unsatisfying because the tree I live under suits my experience and my DNA. Sylvia Plath's energy for example, is both just part of the tree and landscape and a real pathway because of the natural soul journey we share. That's a thing that just is. You don't need to seek me, because we can't be separated. I know you've seen that our connection goes to the absolute depth of the  cosmos. There's no separating from that. It's not like one's solid and one's wind. We're both solid. 

What concerns you might be that shows that the person you're with is wind. And that's a responsibility that might be unsettling, but don't make it about me. That's not my fault or my responsibility. The person you're with likely has lessons of wind that your solidity just can't protect him from. It's a level depth of nature. 

But here's the truth. The tree you live under that's a reflection of your DNA that gives you advice is more important than the person you're with. Or anyone for that matter. Even you're kids. That tree is the ethical root that allows you to be good to anyone you can be good too. It represents the reality and totality of goodness itself in your life. It is your life and nothing is more important than that. Not your kids, not your job, not your work, not your friends, not your parents. Nothing. 

That shady tree is everything for you. It is you in some fundamental sense, because if you nurtured that tree of yourself right then it's only suitable for you in it's totality. Some might be partially suitable and some might be small and just compatible enough to not even notice the tree of you. 

But that is everything. 

It isn't even about who you're meant to "choose." 

Once in the dark I was feeling guilty about being with one partner or the other as I had several connections that I was responsible towards, but then I had an epiphany that allowed me to be ethically balanced with all of them, because no one is my enemy but my own ignorance, impatience and/or arrogance. 

There's likely something you need to ground you that you/re likely missing. You might want me. And I might want you back, but that's not the most basic issue at stake here. 

Some of some religions like to have a God superior to them, who makes their decisions for them and is the light for them. 

That's not you or me honey ;) 

What's likely bothering you is that your nearly perfectly compatible with my tree but because of a narrow moon shot you're not. Even though your entity presence is here, you're not, except the very basic of your clones and an occasional you. 

You're likely too big and need to find a shade bit smaller version of you to fit. 

People looking up to you and calling you master is the problem. They made you believe that you're their light and you're not. That your tree is theirs and it isn't. 

That's a logical black hole that would consume you and them. 

In a very selfish sense my tree is mine and mine alone and your tree is yours and yours alone. 

When you saw my smallest entity that parted the clouds and allowed you to see that I was scared might have made you feel like a powerful goddess.

That hubris is your character flaw. 

Social skills and not being the guardian of anyone but you as a normal human being is what you need to learn how to be. Because God the most high is that lamp for everyone. Not you. 

If your confused about it being who you're meant to be with then you might be contending with The Most High God for the position of being the central sun and grace. 

God gave me social skills to be the most Low God of Darkness and Grace. People think that's the devil but it's not. He's the god of courage and common sense. The devil is more representative of a companion dog or a police officer. 

The cat and the snake and the dove are the spirit animals that represent me. The male renegade poet or poetess represents me too, the spirit of self beyond control. 

That's why you're connected to me, but the most high God gave me the name of social skills that he lit with his unbreakable light because he asked me who I'd like to be and that was my answer. I saw the  consequences of identifying as anything else but human. 

I named you a clear view and the feminine representative of freedom. It was my job to give you that name out in innocence so that you could have such a large innocent orbit so that you and I could both be free. 

But I named you. Not God. Consider that. 

I would suggest that an old lesbian lover you had in the past who had a God like lover has been trying to gas light our connection out of resentment and envy. She liked to pretend that I was competing with God so she deluded herself into thinking she was an advocate for humility, but God gave me my name of Dark Grace and Friend of Humanity because I asked for social skills to represent freedom and human nature. 

Sophie liked to pretend she was me. But she was born Eve, and I was born me. 

 

Eve's real name is sexuality and envy and codependency and destruction. Her better name is philanthropy and kindness and sympathy for people who had been caste away.

 

But she has no eyes. Or had no eyes. Her quest has been to find prosthetics for her missing eyes. 

But that's not you honey. You're not meant to be her missing eyes. 

Her lies are convincing because she shows you all the pain of others, and the lies of how you're light is meant for them and not you and how God is the only true most high light.

But she lies. Those are refined lies that resemble truth. If any of that was true, she wouldn't need your eyes or your light. The Most High God would already have provided that. 

That's an easy internal refutation of her lies that doesn't require external fact checking. 

Just be yourself and do the right thing. God's grace will take care of the rest.

If she is beyond God's help then she's beyond your help also because her arrogance and pride became her guide. If she's all right, then she doesn't need guidance from you and she knows she's lying and her shame won't let her tell you. 

Either way that's on her not you. 

Your tree of shade and independence comes first. Not her not me not your kids and not your significant other.

The tree that's you. That's your number one priority. I just returned the favor and used common sense to part the clouds for you in a manner that's more real and less like a blinding light, because the light of common sense is what you need right now.

Relationships

 I have a thought. 

A profound relationship isnt the relationship you want. 

But a relationship that hadnt probbed its depth is unsatisfying. 

Being there for you in precise and logical and deeply insightful ways isnt doing the dishes or the laundry. 

And you sense the potential harmony in remote distance, but you might avoid that. 

Make peace with that. 

Sentimental Self-Care

Sentimental Self-Care
I remember a friend who told me she was sick.
I made her chicken soup and brought her Sprite.
Her fever had her. She was shivering and cold.

I brought it too her bed and left it there.

Today I did house cleaning and vacuuming.
I made myself chicken soup and lavender tea.
I watched some sentimental reminders.

The soup just wasn’t enough like I’d remembered Campbells.
It was clumps with no chicken and no noodles. Like a water base.

I had to add chicken ramen noodles, I enjoyed the ramen seasoning too,
butter and Italian seasoning.
A bit of milk.

Then I sat on the couch and noticed how it tasted just right.

I miss my friend, but my heart never loses my love.

Coffee

 Coffee Whim
For every whim I write
I always know my desire
Even though a whim of denial
Might seem pleasing for a page.
A whisp of sunshine or a breeze.
Denial tends not that.

No exclamation points or declarative coffee.
Though that kind of rich coffee
Tends my blood as sky clouds breeze.

I read instead of wrote. I listened instead of sang.

And as I wrote this, the coffee beep likes my ear.

Life

As I lay here, I liked not existing.

 

If I don’t exist and if you don’t exist

Then neither of us can be harmed by what doesn’t exist.

 

Epicurean style.

 

 

That’s the attraction of pink flowers and blackberries.

 

I can get I’m indispensable because of my relationship with God,

 

 

That’s why I feel safe allowing you to pretend that all that is is a tree.

 

 

A shade of antiques and flowers and gardens.

 

 

I was so angry. Not at anyone. I didn’t even admit it to myself.

 

And it had a perfect honesty to it because my floor knows that no one is to blame for what’s been wrong.

 

 

The universe has a material ground of plane and not plane that had a suffering that no one knew precisely.

 

The sad fact is it’s not safe for you to pretend that you don’t exist, even though it’s safe for me.

 

 

 

She broke through the clouds at the end and discovered a man afraid. Not of her, but of a secret that I was born too. I was blessed with her because my goal all along was to make her large enough to part the clouds at the pink so as to share that secret with me.

 

 

I expressed my anger with love. A rejection of every empty offer that came my way.

 

 

The reason why that’s safe for me is that your floor was just a big bag of nothing for you or for me.

 

 

That anger got turned toward the empty vacuum of space so as to find that loving floor.

 

All I could do though is not plan to share it with anyone but you, and let the indifference of everything else be whatever it wanted to be.

 

Thank you. 

 

I wanted to give all of myself away out of anger, but you wouldn't let me and parted the clouds out of love. And for that faith is just a sense of love of life. 

 I had become a walking contempt of confession and I suppose that had to end so I could breath. 

And I wish I could say I'm glad for that for everyone, but the smallness of me can only be me. 

Season

Tis my senses, Tis my secret.
A woman’s paradise might be blue,
A woman’s paradise might be pink,
Purple, Lapis or cerulean.

If it isn’t me, it’s only wool.

Through me I’ve found my soft breeze.
Through me I’ve found a Safer Myst.

Wide open peace near me.

And I am.

I’ve found my kind autonomy.
My own beautiful island.

A woman would already have to live close by,
If she desire’s me, she’d live near me.

In the now. As I’ve said.

Respect as nature will.

I feel no open eye human being sees any differently.

Ode to a Siren: from Aphrodite
I whispered with envy one day years ago.
She told me something.
You need not believe in me, she said
But my secret will prove itself.
I am desire, she told me.
Some men crash against the rocks.
They thought they desired me.
Some men crashed against gold.
They thought they desired gold.
Some thought they desired fame.
They crashed for fame.

Desire. Desire.
Enjoy any wave.
Enjoy any mountain.

Desire is the root of any good thing.
The nature of desire is moment living.
This moment, this now, is the power of desire!

Some desired to not have any moments at all.
The Buddhists had it wrong. Desire isn’t the root of all suffering.
The root of all suffering is to desire to end desire.

The nature of life is to live.
The source of suffering is the desire to stop living.
Life is to allow itself. That is it’s nature.

Self-respect is the way of life.

Respect.
Restful coffee drips down to
begin my day in confidence.

Peaches and brownies smile
With me as I eat.

Birds sing near my window.
Reminding me I’m home.

I’m happy where I am.

Every greatness has several small anonymous acts

Acts apart from applause.

Glory and happiness began this way.

Peace. Light. Serenity.

Love. Love. Love.

Our friendship
There’s a tussle on the Samurai symbol.

It’s in my car where we left it. You gave that to me.
It calms me. Fills me with gratitude.

Calming with natural peace. And insight.

Something not in the way of my peaceful sensation of Now.
Crickets Singing, and light bugs were flashing pace.

Your name. Some days I’ve known it.
Eva, Susie, Shaugnessy or Jessica.

As far as I’ve known.

My experience with your spirit seems different,
Distinct from your experience with yourself.

You seemed to have missed all steps I’d already taken.
You sent me there because you already knew that.

I see you in pure light.
Bees and Butterflies.
Ferns, rocks and streams
Running Happy Tom Sawyer feet. Free from danger.

Free from harm.

If you choose, you can enjoy life.
Neither a step ahead, nor a step beind.

Within your perfect step and your perfect rhyme.
You’d be a sun too, as you know.
A pure steady stream of bright light.

Sunny and happy days.
But only if you choose too.