And no, it isn't about how to function in a relationship that already exists. If one person makes you see warmth and calm and another makes you see routine and something boring like commitment, then "who should I be with" is the wrong question. I would suggest that the person who has that challenging energy of warmth and light isn't necessarily someone you want, though that person could be.
The real issue is that person represents someone you could be, and the person your with represents the you that you're not satisfied with.
Remember, it's not about you and me, or you and him. It's about you and you. The healthy state your in, the relative spiritual sickness you may have, and the spiritual healing that you require.
There's a straight up archetype of the devil that fascinates me. Imagine that the enlightenment period created two worlds of shade for the devil to rest in apart from everywhere else. One is when the devil stayed in Africa as a sane priest and ambassador from Europe next to the tribe of Shakazulu.
In this state he was able to reduce all messages to animism that reflected an inner animistic type of thinking that nurtured common sense and independence. That's what Tarot is to me. You reduce the messages from others to cards so that type of advice is always reflected in your own environment apart from the will or desire of others. That's not just Tarot for me.
The deepest form of animism though isn't outside objectified thinking.
Imagine the best memories you have of me, as I'd prefer, because that's the energy that's challenging you. What that represents is a type of living that you could be that you don't have. Otherwise you wouldn't have reduced it to "who should I be with, this or that." You can't be me. Even if you were with me instead of him you'd find it unsatisfying because the tree I live under suits my experience and my DNA. Sylvia Plath's energy for example, is both just part of the tree and landscape and a real pathway because of the natural soul journey we share. That's a thing that just is. You don't need to seek me, because we can't be separated. I know you've seen that our connection goes to the absolute depth of the cosmos. There's no separating from that. It's not like one's solid and one's wind. We're both solid.
What concerns you might be that shows that the person you're with is wind. And that's a responsibility that might be unsettling, but don't make it about me. That's not my fault or my responsibility. The person you're with likely has lessons of wind that your solidity just can't protect him from. It's a level depth of nature.
But here's the truth. The tree you live under that's a reflection of your DNA that gives you advice is more important than the person you're with. Or anyone for that matter. Even you're kids. That tree is the ethical root that allows you to be good to anyone you can be good too. It represents the reality and totality of goodness itself in your life. It is your life and nothing is more important than that. Not your kids, not your job, not your work, not your friends, not your parents. Nothing.
That shady tree is everything for you. It is you in some fundamental sense, because if you nurtured that tree of yourself right then it's only suitable for you in it's totality. Some might be partially suitable and some might be small and just compatible enough to not even notice the tree of you.
But that is everything.
It isn't even about who you're meant to "choose."
Once in the dark I was feeling guilty about being with one partner or the other as I had several connections that I was responsible towards, but then I had an epiphany that allowed me to be ethically balanced with all of them, because no one is my enemy but my own ignorance, impatience and/or arrogance.
There's likely something you need to ground you that you/re likely missing. You might want me. And I might want you back, but that's not the most basic issue at stake here.
Some of some religions like to have a God superior to them, who makes their decisions for them and is the light for them.
That's not you or me honey ;)
What's likely bothering you is that your nearly perfectly compatible with my tree but because of a narrow moon shot you're not. Even though your entity presence is here, you're not, except the very basic of your clones and an occasional you.
You're likely too big and need to find a shade bit smaller version of you to fit.
People looking up to you and calling you master is the problem. They made you believe that you're their light and you're not. That your tree is theirs and it isn't.
That's a logical black hole that would consume you and them.
In a very selfish sense my tree is mine and mine alone and your tree is yours and yours alone.
When you saw my smallest entity that parted the clouds and allowed you to see that I was scared might have made you feel like a powerful goddess.
That hubris is your character flaw.
Social skills and not being the guardian of anyone but you as a normal human being is what you need to learn how to be. Because God the most high is that lamp for everyone. Not you.
If your confused about it being who you're meant to be with then you might be contending with The Most High God for the position of being the central sun and grace.
God gave me social skills to be the most Low God of Darkness and Grace. People think that's the devil but it's not. He's the god of courage and common sense. The devil is more representative of a companion dog or a police officer.
The cat and the snake and the dove are the spirit animals that represent me. The male renegade poet or poetess represents me too, the spirit of self beyond control.
That's why you're connected to me, but the most high God gave me the name of social skills that he lit with his unbreakable light because he asked me who I'd like to be and that was my answer. I saw the consequences of identifying as anything else but human.
I named you a clear view and the feminine representative of freedom. It was my job to give you that name out in innocence so that you could have such a large innocent orbit so that you and I could both be free.
But I named you. Not God. Consider that.
I would suggest that an old lesbian lover you had in the past who had a God like lover has been trying to gas light our connection out of resentment and envy. She liked to pretend that I was competing with God so she deluded herself into thinking she was an advocate for humility, but God gave me my name of Dark Grace and Friend of Humanity because I asked for social skills to represent freedom and human nature.
Sophie liked to pretend she was me. But she was born Eve, and I was born me.
Eve's real name is sexuality and envy and codependency and destruction. Her better name is philanthropy and kindness and sympathy for people who had been caste away.
But she has no eyes. Or had no eyes. Her quest has been to find prosthetics for her missing eyes.
But that's not you honey. You're not meant to be her missing eyes.
Her lies are convincing because she shows you all the pain of others, and the lies of how you're light is meant for them and not you and how God is the only true most high light.
But she lies. Those are refined lies that resemble truth. If any of that was true, she wouldn't need your eyes or your light. The Most High God would already have provided that.
That's an easy internal refutation of her lies that doesn't require external fact checking.
Just be yourself and do the right thing. God's grace will take care of the rest.
If she is beyond God's help then she's beyond your help also because her arrogance and pride became her guide. If she's all right, then she doesn't need guidance from you and she knows she's lying and her shame won't let her tell you.
Either way that's on her not you.
Your tree of shade and independence comes first. Not her not me not your kids and not your significant other.
The tree that's you. That's your number one priority. I just returned the favor and used common sense to part the clouds for you in a manner that's more real and less like a blinding light, because the light of common sense is what you need right now.
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