Spiritual protection through socialization.

It seems that some people had a hard time with my insight that will instantly set me and others free and so tried to use some energetic block on my facebook out of fear. I could go to the Library and post it but i will not have my time manipulated when my time is better spent with friends rather than spiritual hypochondriacs. Most of you arent actually sick but love the attention. The insight is this. The public is where everyone's invited within reason. And in that space people invite others to things of personal nature. In the movie Lost Boys the vampire was also powerless to be hostile because he was a guest as much as the tests were powerless. That means that just being social and knowing how to behave socially is the best spiritual protection a person can have and it creates neutral ground where people are respectful and overt hostility isnt possible. Thats the deeper root of my security in all levels. And fyi this blog is connected to those in my fscebook page and everyone knows that or they wouldn't have tried to dely my blog posts.

Life as I see it

I want to write something honestly normative. There’s a naïve aspect of writing that isn’t super relevant to everyone. The type of writing that makes money is niche related. Even Sylvia Plath’s work is a niche of depression and doomed creativity, even if that wasn’t her intent, it was her marketing niche. I need something to write about that’s just mine. I don’t have to be 2-dimensional while doing it either. Since my lessons are public, I don’t have anything to fear in that department. I’ve always felt something out of place in some manner. But not me as much. And it’s not a doomed sort of melancholy either. I have an optimistic strength about me. When I felt abused as a child I went to hang out with friends as a reprieve from all the pain I was feeling, but when I hung out I recognized that my friends had intense pain too. And so I kept my mouth shut and just enjoyed people’s company and just played football, video games and played imagination stuff where we all looked forward to a better future. We played things like High School where we imagined ourselves all grown up and strong like the cool kids. I’ve played other games too, but something about that style of play conditioned me to view most religions as superstitious and self-absorbed because those lessons were clearly lacking in religions and churches I attended. Mostly people seemed to want to view that pain as a version of hell that only God could save them from. But I was different. I viewed that pain as just the burden of life and friendship and love made it worthwhile and an Island that allows me to see the world more clearly and made things make more sense. Since then my appreciation of spirituality has grown a bit, but my perspective still hasn’t changed. There is no heaven I can escape too unless I have friends to hang out with and a vision of my own. That’s the true paradox. Because no heaven is a heaven unless I determine my own fate within it. But no heaven is a heaven unless I can respect everyone with me as willing to be my friend. That’s why hierarchy isn’t a true heavenly virtue. Heirarchy is a micro virtue of specific applications and jobs within the world outside of heaven so that strangers can respect each other and just do work. This is my practical perspective honestly. Religion has always seem to have this all wrong.

Poetry

The compliment train is nice, because it is a learned ambitious behavior, but knowing how to behave with respect and discretion keeps that out of the people pleasing aspect. Just be human and ambition is ok. I like to write poetry and I love recognition from other poets. Others who I have respect for in terms of their writing. That type of acknowledgement feels nice. It isn't validation per se. It's the desire for companionship and someone to share the journey with. I used to wonder what the ideology about validation, and discovered it was just the weakness of seclusion. Validation and companionship is two different aspects. One affirms only an identity and the other is a shared common interest.

I like being Free.

There’s all types of words to offer for any occasion. Oh, you have contempt, well, we have phrases for a hat like that. Usually the beauty of contempt as a concoction is that you already have that brew. The phrase “Life’s given me a raw deal” and “you wouldn’t understand” are key phrases. Never mind the coat blue that’s already felt things like that good like you. Self-Pity is the rain coat most sought after. After all, being human is supposed to be true. But what matter is that when you have me to talk too. Since I can’t give you a raise like a job, then all we can do is play. You will notice though that I have qualifications. You better be respectful, you better be playful. You better be understanding and fun. When the world is too much, you better let me respect with some type of honest discretion. Otherwise the type of rest offered is something you wouldn’t be able to allow me to agree with. The stupid thing about the cool girl complaint is that women want to know what I want to hear, When it’s plain to see when a person is only pretending to know how to act. If you know how to behave then you don’t have to be trained. Some women want a man to train them like a monkey when all I want is a friend and female companion. That’s why I’m not a switch. I can’t turn your lights on or off. That’s your job. Know the dark allows you to be responsible forever but you can’t pretend to be me to do that. And I can see the logic of expectation animating off the page Miss Sue, but you have permission to be an eye. For that is the nature of contempt. I can’t be your eyes without discarding you eventually. But if you insist on that don’t worry, there are plenty of people who like to cry about me. Just pretend that I only cared about money, when that was really you all along. And because I’ll be free, I won’t be there to tell you otherwise. See how beautiful defeat can be? And what is the better be? It means I can talk to you or not. I can stay or leave. Respecting those qualifications implies you recognize it's my choice.

My love poem of me

Love is true. I find there's always what I hope is one dancing line. Something that just might indicate what it means to walk out the door. Ever see people jump from one marriage to another? The instinct seems to be to not look deeper because obviously marriage must be sacred. I must be the problem. Did I decide to breathe today? That must be the problem. Did I dare to have my own routine? I must be the problem. It seems that to be obedient is what it means to deserve to be loved. Otherwise the world actually is real and that marriage is an adaptation, not an escape. Marriage means that marriage is what it is. The institution itself is just a meaningless piece of paper. Otherwise what need is there for a husband and a wife? Details like to exist whether I look here or there. I was born on a square it's impossible to jump off of. If you get married either you'll be able to go to the store or you'll always be miserable wishing you could. Either you'll be able to lust after other people or you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you could. Marriage still presents a dilemma of choosing to be miserable or choosing to be happy as though a partner has nothing to do with it. Now that I think of it, marriage seems to be anti-love because love seems to exist anyway, but marriage seems to need permission to push love out the door. So what need is there for marriage anyway? If marriage is just another cart and carriage of a cold world, why care for marriage? Well, why care about a hospital or a psychiatrist or a book store? No matter where I go there I am. If you're tired of cliches, they're humble reminders that whats been said's been said before but the only unique style is how to walk. But a man and a woman can love each other without the government's permission. That's the true tough pill for an irrelevant institution. If marriage doesn't serve love then let marriage die and let love remain.

Thank you

But that experience was a beautiful simple friendship: anger at the way the world habitually betrayed simplicity: Anger at everyone: and then the next moment I suddenly realized it was just me and nature and that revolution was an illusion: and then I found a bottom of ugly sane curse water that actually preserved my strength and my sanity that I used ugly tears to keep my humanity: Earlier I played the song "Dumb" by Nirvana that allowed me to forget the best part of my soul in a room with Jamie: she then dumped the best part of my soul back to me once I made it through the skinny dark doorway so that I made it whole and safe on the other side: Earlier I had played with Claudia and Sylvia Plath: I made the point that the reason Claudia died and left Vampire land was she asked me through Lestat how to escape the dark. The events that unfolded showed her how: Jamie did the same thing: it put all the entities that were around and seemed to possess me in perfect eye to eye level with me so it was just me again that also put Jamie in commitment to bringing us both to a better place. It's not that there was no planning. It was just so organic that the word "plan" doesn't do it justice. And then there was my agreement with Macy to bring consistency as an ethic into her spiritual matrix so that when I cleansed and sealed her vacuum flaw of not being able to compartmentalize because she can compartmentalize now, that the pathology of pretend robots who are just actors and actresses have an obligation to be normal so as to make blame impossible: her debt was so large in terms of wealth it seemed impossible to pay that debt that would set her free but I paid that debt. Sarah Silverman was also in the background who was on my side because I paid her debt and so that mind fucked Jamie because she felt like she had no friends and no one on her side when that became clear but then realized that people do love her but that the problem was bigger than any one person. Courtney Love kept me from saying anything that would have jeopardized our safe travel and Marilyn Manson made sure to keep my discernment of the toxic resentment Jamie was suffering from. Michael Zuvic gave me space 12 years prior to include the song Anuerysm by Nirvana to keep her toxicity at bay and pay the music debt she needed. Dr. Neasman gave me room and comedy and fought with me by using school romance and comedy on the sly that kept me normal. Black women saw I was being spiritually poisoned with racist porn and used my vacuum wisdom to make me an expert on deception to turn that corner and were loyal to me when I was in a near spiritual coma and I used that to travel into the future and gain Lucifer's help to show humility to my step brother by showing how a singularity can stand still and not simply be found: Sylvia Plath took me into the clear view and showed me no matter how angry I was I had to include everyone in a healthy alignment to make it through the door: black women showed me how ceiling wisdom and wall wisdom allowed me to block generational curses so I could stay ethical and not judge anyone: Jamie's daughter sent me wisdom and her entity so as to protect my daughter and to keep me safe while she blessed my friendship with her mom by singing Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game": My family reunited with me and helped me stay normal amidst all of that: Dr Peterson used my intellectual wisdom to make the world better: My mother also who helped me out so much that I wouldn't have made it through without my mother specifically or my dad who also gave me room and supported me unconditionally. Only family can do that. The list of help I've received goes so much further that I don't have time to name everyone who helped and contributed: Remember Jamie when you said I needed to be less arrogant and accept help? That should inspire a dry laugh now I bet lol. God also helped me very much in ways that allowed me to temporarily separate from him with courage and then brought me back to him as his equal. That was a big one. He let me center my cleverness in his presence that guaranteed my reunion with him that superceded all lesser forms of cleverness. That paid my debt to the witch known as clever so as to bring me and her to the surface that bridged two sides at once to flip the world into it's proper orbit. Denzel Washington also put all my experiences and insights into acting which separated me from him and taught me that accountability with black women protected me from his bitterness and resentment because his sense of tyranny was he felt it wasnt his job to keep everyone in line and by going around him it actually made the world a better place. Difficult personalities tend to be difficult because of feeling burdened and not listened too. Many people since have helped me too. An anonymous psychologist friend also has supported me as a friend and i feel compelled to respect his privacy by not naming him specifically but would feel ungrateful if i didnt at least mention that without him in my corner i wouldnt have made it. Obviously i didnt do this myself. I played my part. If i forgot to name you its not because im not thankful. The kist of gratitude is too big to list everyone and stay sane so please trust and know i love you. But Matt Hosler please organize the board game thin again. That would be awesome.

The differences and similarities between my relationship with women and my relationship with my daughter

Making love like an ethical sociopath: Making love for me isn't about anyone's worth or commitment or marriage. There are ethical structures that make making love possible, but making love doesn't need any of these things in particular. I made love to a married stripper without an vaginal penetration but still nurtured the same connection. Making love is bodily vulnerability. Like when my shoulders are parallel with a woman's shoulders it's an intimate sexual gesture. Gwen Stefani did that on the music video for "hella good." Also certain mantras tend to create that type of love. Some women seem afraid of that connection and honestly I don't know why such women even bother trying to make love in the first place. If your ego is too afraid of vulnerability then don't fuck. The will for me rejects the ego of others and only allows for ethical vulnerability. Then the two bodies tend to work in perfect Harmony that is harmonious with the relationship with others. That's exclusive to sexual contact. Social conversation isn't necessarily sexual but has the same affect. The same structure isn't the same act, so ego is never the same as sex or a conversation. For those of you with children play and adult conversation produce the same Harmony between you and children without unethical contact. But that can be an excuse so I don't talk to children. That's how I created Harmony between me and my daughter without any unethical contact through conversation and parallel activity. Has the same affect of harmony I have experienced with adults but the natural forgiveness that comes from the nonsexual conversation I have actually replaced any potential arousal that some women have experienced by talking to me. (With children it's like parents have to make amends to their kids for bringing them into an unfair world like this. That's where the need for forgiveness comes from. Remember the Doc Holiday admission that he wanted revenge for being born? That's the actual emotion. But back to adults and my sexual relationship with women, the fact that bodily intimacy creates harmony affection and love without knowing the other person real well seems to prove that making love is a way to get to know a person and how you fit with them. There is one particular memory with that stripper woman where in the middle of ecstacy and intimacy she let me lift her a bit in the air with my arms and hands and it was a beautiful moment of surrender to my strength. That's what making love is and it made a spiritual connection that keeps me strong and restful forever because it's like my debt of strength to women as a whole was paid in that moment and I never had to go to war with anyone ever again. That is amazing. And I'll never forget that. And this post is so intimate I have no intention of sending it to anyone personally. Although I'll repost it on my blog. This wisdom makes human trafficking obsolete because that type of behavior presumed this discernment to be impossible and non existent but clearly it does exist.

Economic Poe to Try

To hold space is only a confusing square box to some. Some desperately feel that society has to hold space for them. There’s many whys and many stories many traumas. All those things tell is how that person got sick. None of those stories describe the space made for them. And there is a space for that. It’s called a psych ward or jail or a compassionate friend or family member. If none of those spaces hold a spot for you there’s a real choice and that’s recovery or death. No one wants to know what space death holds for you if you chose not to recover. It would be the space you chose for yourself because the world wasn’t good enough for you. A space made just for disabled hero sandwiches such as yourself made of shadow and flame. But if you choose to recover and have the courage to get well life always has space for people willing to be a human being, because a hero is just a monster who wanted to torment the world for not being good enough to hold how awesome they are. My space has been made clear for me on Facebook. It’s a place of economic choice with no room for politics. Courtesy, love and consideration is the currency here. People who share my vision made sure of that with me. It’s a beautiful life I think and find. And someone let me borrow their van to go to the library. And I did and wrote this because I held room to be an adult by keeping my word. Being an adult is like holding space. My contribution to poetry thought is even though I had a good poem in me I used my immediate experience with my environment that added all the undercurrent thoughts in my will as I wrote it. That's the part of poetry that Sylvia Plath was missing because for me poetry isn't living on air. It's living on enriching willful experience.