Borderline personality disorder and trust and Jesus

I recently made clear statements about my relationship with Jesus. How he would leave people in the wind when it mattered most and that his clinging to that wisdom at the expense of everyone else was cowardly because he wasnt betting on himself. He was getting against everyone else. Its good to observe the structure of a reality and avoid it and take responsibility for it. When I first discovered this about Jesus I went about facing the fact that to a large degree that even though ive had help, I've been on my own. That's made everyone's advice trustworthy. Being realistic and facing my own challenges turned enemies into devoted allies because we have all been confronted with the same problems and i never invited anyone to make my decisions for me because no one can without inevitably betraying me. People can give good energy and good advice but no one can give me hope but me. People can provide me grace but only if im clear to receive grace without betraying myself. This is the way to make everyone trustworthy. It even allowed me to touch deeply personal and hurtful subjects with Jesus with absolute faith and trust because when the time came to deal with those things it was clear it was time to deal with those things for the sake of healing. There is no such thing as a trustworthy person. If im my own person then i can trust everyone to be themselves. If I chose not to be my own person then i would have a sense of fear and dread in the back of my mind that would always wait for when my inevitable self betrayal would reveal itself. That's why my independence is non negotiable. If I betrayed myself then I would have betrayed everyone. If I carry myself in this type of strength then I can always know when grace is trustworthy and when it isn't and I can trust myself to reject situations that aren't trustworthy without judging anyone. In my experience people judge others for not thinking for them or not destroying themselves for them. I can make prejudiced statements against ignorant attitudes without singling anyone out unless that attitude was specifically destructive towards me in a directly logical type of way. But i can't judge anyone for for not doing for me what they just cant do because of their limitations. I respect the limitations of others and am grateful for the help i receive. I can make judgements on attitudes to provide strength and clarity for myself or to undo toxic parasitic ties as ethically as possible without ever dehumanizing anyone else. For me the "N word" is off limits because it's dehumanizing. I dont care if someone fit the dictionary definition. Its a hateful word that would lessen me as a person. This brings me to borderline personality. Women who tend to suffer from this never learned the above lesson and until they do their suffering and loneliness will have no end.