My personal relatipnship goals

Not everything you see requires a response or a feeling. Often in intimate relationships there's an expectation of having a relationship with every corner of another person and no one can be that for anyone. For example i dont have multiple physical sexual partners and i dont have physical sexual relationships with any married women. I have astral sexual relationships with some married women. It has something to do with separating ones self from being enmeshed in any one person and preserving my independence. Sometimes deep enmeshment is comforting and has a wisdom to it that isn't codependency. But astral sexuality prevents that from being a permanent expectation. Sexual energy isnt just sex. Its ambition and work related in terms of awareness and affection. Its not something that should be considered as belonging to any one person. Expectation of physical exclusivity does have some merit though. The reason I am not attracted to a woman who tries to make everything I do about her is that successful relationships require both people having a relationship with something objective that isn't just the other person. Common environment and common goals and common values and respecting the limitations of another. When two people come together they always discover they're not enough for each other. Theres always a space where someone else and some other activity doesn't involve the other partner and include other friends. That's why intimacy always scares people. This truth that a part of someone naturally excludes the other person is the test of whether a relationship is built on sand or on marble. But God the temporary enmeshment that seems to provide that sense of partial security that seems and feels so complete is like a drug that a person would want to stay in forever. And thats why for me having my own hobbies like gardening and writing is so important. Also marriage on the physical plane tends to block outside newness like having friends at a bar with hobbies tends to be lost and friendship is often sacrificed for marriage if marriage isnt done right. That's the aspect of marriage that I reject because I don't want a relationship jail. Being close to someone without the jail aspect is what im working on as a personal goal. The reason I am not attracted to a woman who tries to make everything I do about her is that successful relationships require both people having a relationship with something objective that isn't just the other person. Common environment and common goals and common values and respecting the limitations of another. When two people come together they always discover they're not enough for each other. Theres always a space where someone else and some other activity doesn't involve the other partner and include other friends. That's why intimacy always scares people. This truth that a part of someone naturally excludes the other person is the test of whether a relationship is built on sand or on marble. But God the temporary enmeshment that seems to provide that sense of partial security that seems and feels so complete is like a drug that a person would want to stay in forever. And thats why for me having my own hobbies like gardening and writing is so important. Also marriage on the physical plane tends to block outside newness like having friends at a bar with hobbies tends to be lost and friendship is often sacrificed for marriage if marriage isnt done right. That's the aspect of marriage that I reject because I don't want a relationship jail. Being close to someone without the jail aspect is what im working on as a personal goal. Its important to me to maintain my freedom and personal happiness first otherwise I'd be useless to anyone. I literally belong to this other person. What keeps that from being destructive is that my wisdom perfectly matches hers and my wisdom always has strength and footholds in places she just cant and some of the space I inhabit with my twin energy is more ethically balanced than her space that she can only equalize by balancing up.