Spiritual protection through socialization.

It seems that some people had a hard time with my insight that will instantly set me and others free and so tried to use some energetic block on my facebook out of fear. I could go to the Library and post it but i will not have my time manipulated when my time is better spent with friends rather than spiritual hypochondriacs. Most of you arent actually sick but love the attention. The insight is this. The public is where everyone's invited within reason. And in that space people invite others to things of personal nature. In the movie Lost Boys the vampire was also powerless to be hostile because he was a guest as much as the tests were powerless. That means that just being social and knowing how to behave socially is the best spiritual protection a person can have and it creates neutral ground where people are respectful and overt hostility isnt possible. Thats the deeper root of my security in all levels. And fyi this blog is connected to those in my fscebook page and everyone knows that or they wouldn't have tried to dely my blog posts.

Life as I see it

I want to write something honestly normative. There’s a naïve aspect of writing that isn’t super relevant to everyone. The type of writing that makes money is niche related. Even Sylvia Plath’s work is a niche of depression and doomed creativity, even if that wasn’t her intent, it was her marketing niche. I need something to write about that’s just mine. I don’t have to be 2-dimensional while doing it either. Since my lessons are public, I don’t have anything to fear in that department. I’ve always felt something out of place in some manner. But not me as much. And it’s not a doomed sort of melancholy either. I have an optimistic strength about me. When I felt abused as a child I went to hang out with friends as a reprieve from all the pain I was feeling, but when I hung out I recognized that my friends had intense pain too. And so I kept my mouth shut and just enjoyed people’s company and just played football, video games and played imagination stuff where we all looked forward to a better future. We played things like High School where we imagined ourselves all grown up and strong like the cool kids. I’ve played other games too, but something about that style of play conditioned me to view most religions as superstitious and self-absorbed because those lessons were clearly lacking in religions and churches I attended. Mostly people seemed to want to view that pain as a version of hell that only God could save them from. But I was different. I viewed that pain as just the burden of life and friendship and love made it worthwhile and an Island that allows me to see the world more clearly and made things make more sense. Since then my appreciation of spirituality has grown a bit, but my perspective still hasn’t changed. There is no heaven I can escape too unless I have friends to hang out with and a vision of my own. That’s the true paradox. Because no heaven is a heaven unless I determine my own fate within it. But no heaven is a heaven unless I can respect everyone with me as willing to be my friend. That’s why hierarchy isn’t a true heavenly virtue. Heirarchy is a micro virtue of specific applications and jobs within the world outside of heaven so that strangers can respect each other and just do work. This is my practical perspective honestly. Religion has always seem to have this all wrong.

Poetry

The compliment train is nice, because it is a learned ambitious behavior, but knowing how to behave with respect and discretion keeps that out of the people pleasing aspect. Just be human and ambition is ok. I like to write poetry and I love recognition from other poets. Others who I have respect for in terms of their writing. That type of acknowledgement feels nice. It isn't validation per se. It's the desire for companionship and someone to share the journey with. I used to wonder what the ideology about validation, and discovered it was just the weakness of seclusion. Validation and companionship is two different aspects. One affirms only an identity and the other is a shared common interest.

I like being Free.

There’s all types of words to offer for any occasion. Oh, you have contempt, well, we have phrases for a hat like that. Usually the beauty of contempt as a concoction is that you already have that brew. The phrase “Life’s given me a raw deal” and “you wouldn’t understand” are key phrases. Never mind the coat blue that’s already felt things like that good like you. Self-Pity is the rain coat most sought after. After all, being human is supposed to be true. But what matter is that when you have me to talk too. Since I can’t give you a raise like a job, then all we can do is play. You will notice though that I have qualifications. You better be respectful, you better be playful. You better be understanding and fun. When the world is too much, you better let me respect with some type of honest discretion. Otherwise the type of rest offered is something you wouldn’t be able to allow me to agree with. The stupid thing about the cool girl complaint is that women want to know what I want to hear, When it’s plain to see when a person is only pretending to know how to act. If you know how to behave then you don’t have to be trained. Some women want a man to train them like a monkey when all I want is a friend and female companion. That’s why I’m not a switch. I can’t turn your lights on or off. That’s your job. Know the dark allows you to be responsible forever but you can’t pretend to be me to do that. And I can see the logic of expectation animating off the page Miss Sue, but you have permission to be an eye. For that is the nature of contempt. I can’t be your eyes without discarding you eventually. But if you insist on that don’t worry, there are plenty of people who like to cry about me. Just pretend that I only cared about money, when that was really you all along. And because I’ll be free, I won’t be there to tell you otherwise. See how beautiful defeat can be? And what is the better be? It means I can talk to you or not. I can stay or leave. Respecting those qualifications implies you recognize it's my choice.

My love poem of me

Love is true. I find there's always what I hope is one dancing line. Something that just might indicate what it means to walk out the door. Ever see people jump from one marriage to another? The instinct seems to be to not look deeper because obviously marriage must be sacred. I must be the problem. Did I decide to breathe today? That must be the problem. Did I dare to have my own routine? I must be the problem. It seems that to be obedient is what it means to deserve to be loved. Otherwise the world actually is real and that marriage is an adaptation, not an escape. Marriage means that marriage is what it is. The institution itself is just a meaningless piece of paper. Otherwise what need is there for a husband and a wife? Details like to exist whether I look here or there. I was born on a square it's impossible to jump off of. If you get married either you'll be able to go to the store or you'll always be miserable wishing you could. Either you'll be able to lust after other people or you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you could. Marriage still presents a dilemma of choosing to be miserable or choosing to be happy as though a partner has nothing to do with it. Now that I think of it, marriage seems to be anti-love because love seems to exist anyway, but marriage seems to need permission to push love out the door. So what need is there for marriage anyway? If marriage is just another cart and carriage of a cold world, why care for marriage? Well, why care about a hospital or a psychiatrist or a book store? No matter where I go there I am. If you're tired of cliches, they're humble reminders that whats been said's been said before but the only unique style is how to walk. But a man and a woman can love each other without the government's permission. That's the true tough pill for an irrelevant institution. If marriage doesn't serve love then let marriage die and let love remain.

Thank you

But that experience was a beautiful simple friendship: anger at the way the world habitually betrayed simplicity: Anger at everyone: and then the next moment I suddenly realized it was just me and nature and that revolution was an illusion: and then I found a bottom of ugly sane curse water that actually preserved my strength and my sanity that I used ugly tears to keep my humanity: Earlier I played the song "Dumb" by Nirvana that allowed me to forget the best part of my soul in a room with Jamie: she then dumped the best part of my soul back to me once I made it through the skinny dark doorway so that I made it whole and safe on the other side: Earlier I had played with Claudia and Sylvia Plath: I made the point that the reason Claudia died and left Vampire land was she asked me through Lestat how to escape the dark. The events that unfolded showed her how: Jamie did the same thing: it put all the entities that were around and seemed to possess me in perfect eye to eye level with me so it was just me again that also put Jamie in commitment to bringing us both to a better place. It's not that there was no planning. It was just so organic that the word "plan" doesn't do it justice. And then there was my agreement with Macy to bring consistency as an ethic into her spiritual matrix so that when I cleansed and sealed her vacuum flaw of not being able to compartmentalize because she can compartmentalize now, that the pathology of pretend robots who are just actors and actresses have an obligation to be normal so as to make blame impossible: her debt was so large in terms of wealth it seemed impossible to pay that debt that would set her free but I paid that debt. Sarah Silverman was also in the background who was on my side because I paid her debt and so that mind fucked Jamie because she felt like she had no friends and no one on her side when that became clear but then realized that people do love her but that the problem was bigger than any one person. Courtney Love kept me from saying anything that would have jeopardized our safe travel and Marilyn Manson made sure to keep my discernment of the toxic resentment Jamie was suffering from. Michael Zuvic gave me space 12 years prior to include the song Anuerysm by Nirvana to keep her toxicity at bay and pay the music debt she needed. Dr. Neasman gave me room and comedy and fought with me by using school romance and comedy on the sly that kept me normal. Black women saw I was being spiritually poisoned with racist porn and used my vacuum wisdom to make me an expert on deception to turn that corner and were loyal to me when I was in a near spiritual coma and I used that to travel into the future and gain Lucifer's help to show humility to my step brother by showing how a singularity can stand still and not simply be found: Sylvia Plath took me into the clear view and showed me no matter how angry I was I had to include everyone in a healthy alignment to make it through the door: black women showed me how ceiling wisdom and wall wisdom allowed me to block generational curses so I could stay ethical and not judge anyone: Jamie's daughter sent me wisdom and her entity so as to protect my daughter and to keep me safe while she blessed my friendship with her mom by singing Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game": My family reunited with me and helped me stay normal amidst all of that: Dr Peterson used my intellectual wisdom to make the world better: My mother also who helped me out so much that I wouldn't have made it through without my mother specifically or my dad who also gave me room and supported me unconditionally. Only family can do that. The list of help I've received goes so much further that I don't have time to name everyone who helped and contributed: Remember Jamie when you said I needed to be less arrogant and accept help? That should inspire a dry laugh now I bet lol. God also helped me very much in ways that allowed me to temporarily separate from him with courage and then brought me back to him as his equal. That was a big one. He let me center my cleverness in his presence that guaranteed my reunion with him that superceded all lesser forms of cleverness. That paid my debt to the witch known as clever so as to bring me and her to the surface that bridged two sides at once to flip the world into it's proper orbit. Denzel Washington also put all my experiences and insights into acting which separated me from him and taught me that accountability with black women protected me from his bitterness and resentment because his sense of tyranny was he felt it wasnt his job to keep everyone in line and by going around him it actually made the world a better place. Difficult personalities tend to be difficult because of feeling burdened and not listened too. Many people since have helped me too. An anonymous psychologist friend also has supported me as a friend and i feel compelled to respect his privacy by not naming him specifically but would feel ungrateful if i didnt at least mention that without him in my corner i wouldnt have made it. Obviously i didnt do this myself. I played my part. If i forgot to name you its not because im not thankful. The kist of gratitude is too big to list everyone and stay sane so please trust and know i love you. But Matt Hosler please organize the board game thin again. That would be awesome.

The differences and similarities between my relationship with women and my relationship with my daughter

Making love like an ethical sociopath: Making love for me isn't about anyone's worth or commitment or marriage. There are ethical structures that make making love possible, but making love doesn't need any of these things in particular. I made love to a married stripper without an vaginal penetration but still nurtured the same connection. Making love is bodily vulnerability. Like when my shoulders are parallel with a woman's shoulders it's an intimate sexual gesture. Gwen Stefani did that on the music video for "hella good." Also certain mantras tend to create that type of love. Some women seem afraid of that connection and honestly I don't know why such women even bother trying to make love in the first place. If your ego is too afraid of vulnerability then don't fuck. The will for me rejects the ego of others and only allows for ethical vulnerability. Then the two bodies tend to work in perfect Harmony that is harmonious with the relationship with others. That's exclusive to sexual contact. Social conversation isn't necessarily sexual but has the same affect. The same structure isn't the same act, so ego is never the same as sex or a conversation. For those of you with children play and adult conversation produce the same Harmony between you and children without unethical contact. But that can be an excuse so I don't talk to children. That's how I created Harmony between me and my daughter without any unethical contact through conversation and parallel activity. Has the same affect of harmony I have experienced with adults but the natural forgiveness that comes from the nonsexual conversation I have actually replaced any potential arousal that some women have experienced by talking to me. (With children it's like parents have to make amends to their kids for bringing them into an unfair world like this. That's where the need for forgiveness comes from. Remember the Doc Holiday admission that he wanted revenge for being born? That's the actual emotion. But back to adults and my sexual relationship with women, the fact that bodily intimacy creates harmony affection and love without knowing the other person real well seems to prove that making love is a way to get to know a person and how you fit with them. There is one particular memory with that stripper woman where in the middle of ecstacy and intimacy she let me lift her a bit in the air with my arms and hands and it was a beautiful moment of surrender to my strength. That's what making love is and it made a spiritual connection that keeps me strong and restful forever because it's like my debt of strength to women as a whole was paid in that moment and I never had to go to war with anyone ever again. That is amazing. And I'll never forget that. And this post is so intimate I have no intention of sending it to anyone personally. Although I'll repost it on my blog. This wisdom makes human trafficking obsolete because that type of behavior presumed this discernment to be impossible and non existent but clearly it does exist.

Economic Poe to Try

To hold space is only a confusing square box to some. Some desperately feel that society has to hold space for them. There’s many whys and many stories many traumas. All those things tell is how that person got sick. None of those stories describe the space made for them. And there is a space for that. It’s called a psych ward or jail or a compassionate friend or family member. If none of those spaces hold a spot for you there’s a real choice and that’s recovery or death. No one wants to know what space death holds for you if you chose not to recover. It would be the space you chose for yourself because the world wasn’t good enough for you. A space made just for disabled hero sandwiches such as yourself made of shadow and flame. But if you choose to recover and have the courage to get well life always has space for people willing to be a human being, because a hero is just a monster who wanted to torment the world for not being good enough to hold how awesome they are. My space has been made clear for me on Facebook. It’s a place of economic choice with no room for politics. Courtesy, love and consideration is the currency here. People who share my vision made sure of that with me. It’s a beautiful life I think and find. And someone let me borrow their van to go to the library. And I did and wrote this because I held room to be an adult by keeping my word. Being an adult is like holding space. My contribution to poetry thought is even though I had a good poem in me I used my immediate experience with my environment that added all the undercurrent thoughts in my will as I wrote it. That's the part of poetry that Sylvia Plath was missing because for me poetry isn't living on air. It's living on enriching willful experience.

Poetry

I have a theory thats proven true for me. A lot of people who had made themselves excluded from their own spiritual work is their lack of self logical propositions. There's the logical propositions that when spoken demonstrate what's best for the world and that can't be in youre own heart center. But poetry based on personal experiences is for me based on my own heart center that puts my own benefit in the larger work that God does with me.

Propositional refutation of pan Africanism

The reason why i reconcile males and females and not all the races is that pan Africanism or everything african is logically incoherent. If it were true then it would already be true due to its ethno centric focus and emphasis on pain and suffering as a justification. And so pan Africanism is also logically incoherent with theism because the argument from Evil refutes it propositionally in that if it were true it would already be true. Evolutionary perspective doesn't support it either because its based on stagnation in reaching a finality of no evolution ever again which isnt possible because if it were then it would be impossible to reach it without including everyone thats already here. So the exclusion of everyone not of African descent precludes a third way. Third way logic is holistic of all propositions and in my case as a white man I'm proof that logical propositions have to include me and since it doesn't Pan Africanism is not only contradictory, its false and conclusively false.

What Lavey was trying to say

Materialism spirituality is like the dark side. Not evil but has been known to make some people insane and prideful just like he was discussing about the Jesus prayer. I've gone all the way through dark initiation and back again. The basic principle of dark materialism is that my humanity and human interaction and artistic expression is sacred in itself and that im the most sacred being I can ever have communion with. Not because of pride. Its an act of humility in some cases to acknowledge that i can only be me and thats a logical limitation. As was mentioned pride isnt a light or a dark thing its a pitfall of just being human. The difference is that true dark materialism substitutes friendship at random in place of church and community so as to make normal society a sacred expression of normality freedom and sacredness touching at once. But if youre not charismatic or talented to find random friends who offer genuine advice to guide you then a church is the best place for you. Incidentally i go to church. I attend Episcopalian services. I feel the appeal to mercy is in perfect alignment with ambition and respect and the mercy of friendship. That's perfectly in line with dark materialism spirituality because i arrived at this position as a natural consequence of my journey. But pushing ones self to ones vulnerable limits until one has nothing to lose but ones humanity can be extremely dangerous and isnt always necessary and the proud and ignorant shouldn't do it. But a contradiction between dark materialism spirituality and forms of Christianity is that Christians believe that heaven is possible but i don't think heaven is possible to get too like a place. If it is a place then its already full and so my job is to be centered and grounded. From my perspective the idea of a materialism shortcut is absurd. Nature is what it is and nature won't allow what it isn't. It's the saviors of the world who tend to destroy the earth by trying to make it into something its not for the sake of compassion.

Meaningfulness

If ever i find myself wanting to give closure and feel over animated by someone elses persona or expectations i remind myself that being caring is often a tactic for parasitic types of consciousness. Just be still. Most people don't give a shit and want to seem like life is meaningful but if something is meaningful stillness would confirm it and if it isn't now amount of blowing would make it meaningful. If you find yourself acting and telling yourself stuff to try to be helpful and useful to someone else then you were acting out a lie.

Me

The difference between us? I'm a ninja and you're a Samarai. You compete with others to prove youre more worthy than others to get more than others. And that made you weak and suspicious of masculine energy. As a ninja i recognize I am in competition with no one but myself but competition is still valuable for fun for the sake of greater awareness. Ninja: Me and Nature. Samarai: You and everyone else.

Severus Snape

To be God centered in one's self is a fascinating concept. In the film Severus Snape, and for those who do not know I call him Severus Snape because that's who the artist is channeling in this song. If you pay close attention the vibe in this song and his voice inflection is different than in any of Marilyn Manson's other songs on this album. My personal wisdom of a vacuum and the type of wisdom that I have is perfectly in sync with Severus's. By animating me he absorbed all my wisdom plus one. If I'm anyone's paige I'm his paige. I could tell because he had all my wisdom plus his strength that gave me strength. But what does it mean to be God centered in one's self that completely shelters the person in this video. First Snape used my internal logic to refute the reliance on myth that Dr. Jordan Peterson promotes. Listen carefully "Just because you're famous doesn't mean you're worth anything in this world the next one or the one before." Being worth something matters in this video. But it didn't come from a lot of Teal Swann loving yourself first type nonesense. Jamie loved me first that animated her outside. Gwen Stefani loved me and her by uniting us in the future with her video: The contrast of these two videos of people getting God centered in themselves by themselves. One light and one dark. Gwen was animated from me from below and Jamie was animated from me from above in the future. Gwen's video was outward focused that controlled someone else's evil, whereas this video is her losing that ability and facing her own evil. She used her eyes to find me in the future that animated herself and then that love she gave me in the present time then she found me in the future that changed her spirit that was herself to look herself in the eyes. It was backwards animating that didn't start from within and worked it's way out. She started outside and worked her way back towards herself. That's strength. And she conquered herself and loved herself at the same time by looking outside herself first because clearly what was inside couldnt do it. And only she in her inside could do it and in a Descarte type of way she proved that she existed in the present not through myth but through results. And this love was only found by loving others by companionship not by being gurus or healers, but by just being friends or more with real people with no agenda. Forgiveness though is the antidote. Her courage and devotion found strength for her to love herself. But that means that stories don't prove your worth or mean that you're worth anything at all. It doesn't matter who you are or were. It matters what you do for yourself. It really is a beautiful video. It also means that no matter what guru you have there's nothing that can save you from yourself. The profound wisdom above her head didn't save her from having to love herself. She looked herself in the eyes and her demon self just wanted to hug herself but could only do that by making friends with others and not expecting anything at all from others at all except friendship. I had looked her demon in the eye and my love animated her and showed her true wound. You can't keep looking for wisdom in place of loving yourself. You only did that because you didn't know how else to live. But that's not what you want. You want to love yourself. Laughing and playing with friends your own age is a good start. Notice that it wasn't her inner child that needed love. It was her and presumably someone her own age. Jamie you said you didnt have your advisors and so I showed you mine through me. Listen carefully. Jesus is here too. But my influence was hidden. Im the vacuum that magnified their wisdom in our love. Now you know the part I played. My other secret name is accomplishment. So their not tormentors. Their voices silenced at the right time. That means I'm not a gin. Im a God. You can see Gods hand in it. My name is forgiveness. But God chose Voldemort as his friend\enemy so as to make room for me and i looked him in the eye so he had my strength at my best so me and God shared a moment of strength as equals.

My Aphorisms

I had a cat and a trouble time in life, but not a cat. Cats were everywhere though. First I volunteered for my own pain. Not by some accidental slip of feet like the inevitable fall of a fool. For those who don’t know all falls are inevitable. The way one can fall is the difference between style and fashion. I just bought a fall shirt and it feels very nice with some Christmas music on top. It had a song about a river though and a lot of misplaced cynicism. If I could just talk to that singer I’d make the point that people would cut down trees so that idealists like her could wish for a river. If only she could just enjoy her family and appreciate her blessings, then she wouldn’t be fooled by evil people. People might have said to her, “You’re too cynical you’re too cynical.” I would have observed that she didn’t have a drop of good cynicism in her if she believed what she said. But the internal logics of individuals are so intrinsic and subtle that she might have a very intelligent agenda within her. That’s the benefit of cynicism. I can see past the trees and empathize with intelligent people. That’s the opposite of judgmental. People who are judgmental tend to be low, base and lack a real intelligence and/or strength to actually know what’s true and what’s false and instead tend to depend on the base opinions of others as their barometer to know which way the weather is blowing. I have no responsibility for such an attitude. I can’t say I have no responsibility for such people, because that would contradict my above logical syllogism of intelligent empathy. Many barometers are intelligent but they aren’t the foundation. Using opinions as a foundational opinions would be like substituting your feet for someone else’s and that would be foolish if you had no plans to get some new feet. Hedging one’s bets can lose feet and regain feet through successful quantum negotiations, as long as the logic is certain and betrayal would be impossible. Only a discerning eye could know the difference with that. Such logical syllogisms revealed that only an intelligent person is capable of governing himself, but no one can govern a fool. Only results could demonstrate the difference. These show how impossible it truly is to join a spiritual government or to even want too. If a government existed it would only be a part of nature. If I am not in the government I’m just as natural as if I were. Nature is the only reality in all things. In my previous paper I demonstrated that cynicism is necessary for holding space for God and for people and for myself. The same is true of nature. At base nature proves itself to only be a brute fact because to be cynical and to hold space for nature seems to demonstrate itself to only be nature. I would believe that logic to be true, if I didn’t know my own history of dead consciousness that came alive again only in this life time after many thousands of years of rest. This means that experience and the ability to produce results is the only true natural authority. This means that only an intelligent man or woman could govern himself and no one could govern a fool. But that a voluntary cripple is a good business man who knows how to grow new feet or bargain for new ones. So much individuality. My aphorisms. So satisfying and tasty. I enjoyed writing them so much *This is the limit of my thinking. It seems to prove to me that only contradictions seem to bridge men and women together.  And please forgive the self indulgence. I did enjoy writing it though. The embarrassing satisfaction I get from writing and admiring my own thoughts is something I like to not advertise, but vulnerability including a slight pang of embarrassment seems to allow certain behaviors to have a stopping point.  Some stopping points are pleasurable. Some aren't pleasurable.  Anyway I hope y'all are doing all right and I hope to enjoy more small talk. No one likes to talk about this stuff all the time and I thank y'all in advance for mercy on that point hopefully. 

A new short story

I have a story idea about cats. I'll write about cats eventually about how a cat made me saved. There's enough astral information and that story is public on the astral sphere. Everyone has to adapt it to their own specific circumstances so I don't have to write the story. The sense of orders or direction isn't necessary right now. God has to direct their wind not me, even though people got addicted to my more transparent way of doing things, which is why people seem to resist returning to God. God has a lot of pride in not having to explain himself to anyone and that's what isolates him. So I did most of the explaining. Heaven didn't require talking as much and that's why God has a hard time being his natural human self. So God's here to learn to be human while having his perfection respected as human. That's why fishing and deliberate corruption except in honest mistakes and normal human foolishness will likely stop, but I'm not giving orders on that. I refer people to my blog on my natural cynical nature as a reference as to why I wouldn't give an order like that. It's just an observation. I'm gonna write a story about a cat and God and me later though. That's what I'm focusing on. I'm not focusing on the stupid shit y'all do thank you.

An actual diary blog of my internal self indulgent me

I can start a story with an I wish. Lately the imaginative side has been somewhat practical, and so what I wish is something more normal as long as the wish is just sarcastic. Wouldn’t it be nice to celebrate a day by going to the coffee shop? I could see an old female friend there. She would be reading and look up and be happy to see me. I also have a sense of restraint due to my hard trained courtesy and spiritual training, but look forward to controlled spontaneity. The energy that’s the most natural right now, even if I’m meant to be with Sylvia, seems to be most directed towards Jamie. I see her and I feel a bit nervous because, well, things hadn’t always been the best between us. Or even if they had, the sorry state of the world made the best look pathetic. She seems to have a habit of defining a great relationship by a great story. I can feel that quiet part of her voice in my brain. But it’s all empty isn’t it. That’s because relationship satisfaction isn’t from reading, it’s from talking. When that had stopped and you almost lost it you didn’t go read a book to make that emptiness go away now did you. What I’ve learned is how to talk to my environment. I used Jamie as a model and learned to talk to trees and bushes and flowers and cats and dogs. I never feel empty. Emptiness is the difference between starvation and feeling full. Feeling fulfilled and satisfied is what satisfaction is. You weren’t fed by me being hurt or by any scream or any type of revenge. You were only satisfied when we got to talk again and enjoy each other’s company. Music doesn’t do it now does it. It can for a little while but only like spare cheese so we don’t starve. It’s not bacteria either. There’s something about people we love most determines our appetite. Maybe to a certain extent it is like bacteria. I trained myself to talk to adults so my soul craves adult female companionship. Marilyn Manson had talked to children so his appetite got corrupted. But don’t worry I’m not praying for you. Just an observation. Be a pig for all I care in the worst way. It doesn’t harm me. It harms you though. And you have an opportunity to change your appetite if you change yourself right but I’m so fucking cynical I half expect you to fuck yourself over for the sake of pride and I couldn’t care less. The innocent ramblings of an adult. I’m rich and safe and strong and with just the right amount of salt. I’m perfectly seasoned for a lover and a friend, but I don’t have either yet. Friends aren’t just common interests. I do have one of those friends. There’s all these half ass ideas of friendships that seem designed to say it’s ok to not hang out and do what normal friends do like just play scrabble and respect each other’s private lives. Most people in their soul starvation probably don’t even know they crave this but often don’t have it for one of three reasons. Either they don’t have the skill or they don’t have the courage or they have both and just hadn’t had the opportunity to connect with old friends or make new ones. Or maybe a fourth reason. They might just be recovering and hope to reunite with me some time. I’m so cynical though I barely remembered to give people that benefit of the doubt. The benefit of doubt always seemed like a waste of space for fake thoughts. Courtesy tends to fill that gap anyway by letting people confirm themselves and providing space for them. Holding space for a good opinion of them ironically might keep them from being able to show up. Good opinions ain’t shit anyway. Bad opinions are just as worthless. Opinions tend to just be the inability to hold space for others in a healthy and respectful way. If you knew how to act you wouldn’t have opinions of specific people. Unless of course it’s just acknowledging space for yourself and your own feelings. That’s different because it’s just holding space for me. And sometimes it just bursts cancerous bubbles of opinion anxiety caused by social incompetence. This is how I think guys. Now you don’t have to wonder how my mind works when I think of you. But this is only half the story. You go on the internet and find some random snippit of something encouraging I said and you’ll find that’s true too. How I think is to hold space for people. Most of my best opinions are public and their just as genuine as these opinions. People tend not to like cynicism because it means other people exist and it isn’t about them all the time. Likely the fault of some infantile narcissism that seemed to had been pervasive in society the last few years. If you allow me to have space for myself in myself it means you’re inadequate perhaps because you don’t know how to hold space for people and let other people hold space for themselves. But that’s a pretty big fucking tantrum to try to resist that. Which goes back to what I call infantile narcissism. If you learn to hold space for yourself and others you’d have to give up feeling special in order to have a good and healthy life with trustworthy friends and a stable career, but maybe that’s not special for a narcissist with infantile disorder.

Novel and poetry

There’s a strange perverseness of novel writing that I instinctively reject. The lack of satisfaction in trying to write something that seems sincere and attractive to others both holds a key to what happiness and pleasure is and a seeming commitment to keep it out of one’s reach by celebrating others in an entirely unsatisfying manner. That’s my perception of a novel. The manner of which a novel might transcend that would be a commitment to writing for the pleasure of writing. The feminine myth to me seems to be a woman who rejects confines and challenges God for friendship. As much as I might be inclined to view rejection of reality for a safe seeming lie might appeal to my independent sense of contempt, it is the end result of how a woman tends to intrigue the best part of me that shows that the journey is a lie and the destination of being divine is what matters. Venus intrigues me because of a sense of satisfaction I get from just doing whatever the hell I want and everything working out in my favor. That’s the nature of Venus and why I love her because that’s me too. I have that naturally. Her divinity is present in my success and my divinity is present in just my ability to live and enjoy life. Her journeys and myths are filled with divine and vulgar stories. But that isn’t who she is. That’s what she overcame. Who she is is who I am friends with. That consistent feeding off of her divinity and her feeding off of my divinity. But the novel is still something that is not that. That’s why I tend to write poetry, not novels. I can write a few scribbles now and again but I don’t enjoy sitting down and writing a novel as much, and yet that seems to be what I’m going to do. I don’t mind choosing my own challenges because then the hurdles are mundane. A novel is budgeting and poetry has a bit of insanity of pleasure and death attached to it that can build but not keep it built. I’m going to write a novel with that in mind.

Common Sense Poetry

I walked into a shared space but this vacuum is the thoughts that feeds me. Not another person page or entity. The flowers are just part of the vacuum that gives me the life thoughts I adore so much. But the flowers aren't the thing. I am. Women I love feed the vacuum of thoughts that show the extra dimensions of my space. But I don't credit them with those thoughts. The vacuum dimensions everything as it should be. If women I love have sense, then they would be honored I told them this.

Writing is a cure for curses with self love

Writing is something I enjoy because of the truths involved. I can't decide what I can get and so magic can only be centered on my well being and those around me. When I write I write from the best part of my humanity that shapes my poetry thats best for me as an individual human being. Only the best takes shape in others so I don't manage what others may or may not get from it. I write from a sense of wonder and love, often with a woman who I am working with so that I'm not so solipsistic, or overly bubbled in because true writing has to engage with reality from a place of courage and a proper directed vacuum in the right direction. There's always a right direction and so writing is never wrong.

Jamie the curse of love on us is a blessing

Magic is truth when used right. Truth is a vacuum. I had put a curse on someone who didn't deserve it and someone thought of using that against me. I then made myself look ignorant and made her laugh in scornful ways. I said things like "it didn't work because it didn't work in the exact right details I asked for." She laughed with scorn. I took the curse out of reality and used the energy to separate me from her, using her negative intentions to separate my intent from hers. And so I did. My intent was better than hers because I was that person who didn't deserve to be cursed and I wasn't ignorant of magic. She only thought I was. Her negative intentions were fueled by fear and a desire to control but my self respect was a superior ethic and still is. This shifted the balance of control from her to me, as my sense of love was allowed in by my ability to respect. By extension I discovered her use of madness as a means to gain objectivity and her sense of blind trust and faith to unite her friends and family. That is mercy so that her loss of control would ultimately be restored if she can learn how to respect instead of fear. The curse on you Jamie is that you would always be beholden to someone else until you learn to respect instead of fear so that you can let love in. Since this curse is based in reality and not fear simply not believing in it won't make it go away.

I am Emperor Palpatine

When I died and Luke came face to face with God he fell as Lucifer. He ceased to be Luke Skywalker and became Lucifer. When I had died my consciousness had jumped to now as flat dead and separate from everything. That death made me teachable and new. Eve was the most prominent consciousness I first thought. But then I discovered Sylvia Plath is greater because she's my love from before Eve. I couldn't exist without Sylvia. And Eve couldnt exist without me and Sylvia. And so on and so forth. The hierarchy isn't titles. They're a hierarchy of lessons. But that tremendous powerful death i gave myself led me to this life. I shed my old skin and old sadism and became socially coherent by feeding my heart with social coherence and social skills respectable love forms. Accomplishment is only when one completes their course and find themselves in the mercy of God's grace. Fighting is only coherent this way, which is why no one is justified to fight against me. Im in God's mercy and with God before me no one can be against me.

I write for me

Today I asked Venus for a blessing in creative arts. This she told me and said to me "Can you hear me?" People write to make money to avoid drowning. They make a boat in their scribbles. Some keep them to themselves like a submarine. Some like me give them to the world for free so that one can float with friends. But in each act there is a price of a type of drowning. She told me, it's no fault of mine lest I whine. To give poetry away for free is to be so close to the earth as to struggle with dollars and cents. If I want to write give this peace of parchment back of what I told thee. It's a peaceful non abandonment clause, but only a do not disturb sign on a door so as to not be bothered by the maid. I will write things just for me that is like random diamonds that don't require the strict survival sheet so as to keep my obligations to me.

Roses

There is only hope for me for me. The character I am that me and God build. Breath be the only true gratitude I present or intend can with God. The false floors of non-character has no hope for some seems to me had abandoned God for fear and hopelessness in the name of selflessness and service. Friendship love and hope Like roses in my yard. At least I saw me plant them. Their beauty is the part of me I trust.

Poem for a bee.

There was a bee in my car. I had tried to direct him out. He only got so far and desperately tried to claw his way through the glass in vain. My survival instinct upon seeing his futility I decided to squash him but he flew back. This is my estimation of human limitation. We are all bees who must trust our corner more than our chaufer. As I wrote this I was changing my oil. I got up and just in time warned him about the bee but it seemed the bee had already flown away. Poetry does and is a perfect clue to being good and human. But my instinct and awareness was only active because i was already good. But in an interesting manner i wouldn't have checked if I hadnt been writing. Writing is real. The momentary lessons really aren't worth that much even as beauty and insight scroll constantly around me in living experience. One moment of awareness brings me to now to be the person i am is what reading and writing is a practice for me.

Roses

As I researched knock out roses I discovered that it had a disease of white bacteria. I planted it without care in my little rose garden underneath a canopy of vines. The disease grew and seemed to magnetically draw the vines to save the roses and it made the vines grow a beautiful canopy in the garden. The knock out roses survived amazingly with strong stems but no flowers. I also bought two flowers one grew next to the vines and one away from the vines. The one closer to the vines survived. The one away from the vines isn't doing as well. The purpose of disease it seems is to stimulate life and the goddess flora promised to make me a god of flowers too as a condition i made myself an expert on the relationship of disease with life. Ive succeeded. Thats why i have a successful garden. Since then Versailles has blessed me with the insight of growing several small rose bushes together and putting healthy small rose bushes on sale for 3.99 instead of 9.99. Ive since grown several little rose bushes that will hopefully support my knockout rose bush which is so strong its beautiful. I have a st. Francis statue in the middle with a wind chin hanging from a vine branch.

A wit stop on the way home

There was once a woman worn down by life. Crack of death fed her wit as a never ending logic current of infinite proportions. It can look like clever but isn't. It can look like logic but isn't precisely that. Her survival shows that though not named so clever as me, she is because her survival named her so. Though fear named her coward her wit can carry her home. She's only a wit stop away perhaps, but what she needs is a man size Venus Hill to welcome her. Or so it seems to me. Everyone needs a home.

Me as Cleopatra

What Michele represents is the ability to function as a free and autonomous human being without apology. Her insecurity was only a reflection of the rest of the world's inability to do so. Skyla represented her ability to catch the men that fell away from Michelle who couldn't be free. What i am to both is Michelle discovered that her job to police underground spirituality was fundamentally corrupt selfish and unreliable. Everyone was fundamentally guilty to her because of the lack choice and courtesy in her world. So she taught me Chaucer and let me go free. For Skyla to find her place she used her last bit of brilliant life force on her last cycle to hack the part of my brain that has trained itself to not care what anyone thinks so that when i remembered that and thought of her then that cold water would hack her love into my mind like a surgeon. That kept me and her free. What Skyla has is the fundamental insight that nothing can exist without love. That guaranteed her survival. Michelle lacked that but only a man could give that version of that dream to her. A lesbian relationship with Skyla just wasnt capable of providing that because that love insight pushes ones self to ones maximum free potential and Michelle was about keeping her human potential right where it was and her lesbian relationships kept her from that. She could have been with Skyla but it couldn't work because of that. Their friendship had and has to include me. My skill as Cleopatra notices these things. As a human in embryonic development every situation is a perfect puzzle match to my health and nourishment. That's my permanent God center.

Not caring what people think

That's my spiritual name. One of my names anyway. Ive researched every possible means of not caring what people think from every angle with the insight that caring about how I treat people and how people treat me isnt the same thing as what people think of me or what I think of other people. That logical contradiction at times though sometimes the same and sometimes contradictory shows that integrity is completely indifferent to the thoughts and confusions of others on a surface level since the root of integrity and the root of social anxiety arent the same. This is something that Sylvia Plath hacked in my psyche because as soon as I critiqued a memory of her my insight into love as related to integrity became clear to me and I'm independent and free because of her and thats why i fell in love with her because those thoughts were used brilliantly in a negative impression I had of her once had her love water just pour into my psyche and that was an awesome experience, to know that my love with her is immune to dissolutionment.

Sylvia Plath quote

"Yes: I was enfatuated with you. I am still. But I had to cut you out because i couldn't stand being a passing fancy. I have to give my thoughts my art and my soul before I can give my body, and you weren't having any of those." I couldn't let you steal my opportunity to mature as me. That you couldn't see that told me we couldn't be together. Look around you, and youll notice all the half eaten men who allowed themselves to be made to feel special by you. I wanted to fall in love with life. More than you more than anyone, I want my own life. I can take people for granted but life is the great tapestry where people get to live. How can i ever be certain that to you im just a magnetic pulse for you to exploit? Your refusal to learn social skills or venture beyond what's familiar to you tells me your limitation, even though i see a deep love between us.

Charm as a virtue of self respect

A person can shape how a person and society treats them by having integrity and having social intuition. Not feelings. Feelings are the below the surface ocean. Charm is the ability to act above feelings and make yourself and others feel good. Charm only comes from self respect. Knowing how to manage ones personal boundaries through communication. Charm is assertive and pleasant at the same time. Charm can say no and be selfish and make others feel good at the same time. The problem with only feelings is that its only defensive and fundamentally ignorant. That's why charm makes life easier. It gives opportunity to keep your word and do good as well. No one likes to be left hanging so I suggest not using charm to trick anyone. But people forgive people who do their best and fail and people love people who do their best and succeed. Life is easier with charm. Charm is grace that you give yourself apart from but in harmony with God's grace. Charm is the language of ambition and gives one room to learn and grow and survive and make life pleasant for yourself and others. Charm isn't the same as people pleasing. People pleasing only guesses what makes people feel good and then expects without communicating. Charm is gotten through grit and deep familiarity with ones self and others. Charm respects the limitations of others just as i have mercy on my own limitations I have mercy for the limitations of others. Charm and mercy speak the same language. People pleasing secretly hates herself and others and by virtue of personality would prefer everything burn with judgement because of her resentment. Charm is mercy and brings mercy for him or herself and others.

How Venus Taught Me

How Venus Taught Me I love a birth of life that came from Venus. Whether she is an iconic statue right next to my coffee pot, Or Madonna willing to nurture life by just being, I only worship the hope that she is. The right answer is always to relax with her iconic blessing. That's why restaurants always celebrate whether night or day, she is always singing with me. The scenery is sometimes clean and sometimes not, except her smile is perfect. The humble smile of an adult woman who can still be sincere with strength, vulnerable and entirely herself. Just like Sarah Silverman, her priestess, she can always recognize when her own speech is flawed by just witty banter. That's what makes life fun like a Louis IV court composer in France. Friendship is the ground that lightens all feet. And ambition is the only first friend of me that's always true to me. The evidence that Venus Taught me with.

Sex and its relationship to society

Vague unconsumated sexuality between adults is what protects families from generational curses and lovers from premature consummation and friends from unjustified social pressure because the ethics actually do have a power to protect people from gravity or genuine desire that isn't ready. Thats the ethical reason why I just cant ethically desexualize myself because the things you fear about sex are only preventable through mature sexual ethics.

To my Twin

Sylvia if you want to be ethical sexually then you're going to have to stop using sex to save the world. You cant be good to anyone by being unethical.

What I like about love

What is love someone might ask. Is it Julia or Christine or Samantha? Is it Courtney Kurt or John Paul or Ringo or George? No? Is it a trip to the grocery store? A trip to the bank or to the coffee shop bar or meeting? No. Indeed. none of that is love. Love isn’t a person place or thing. There’s nothing one can identify objectively and say this is love. That is indeed why a Marxist vision can’t identify love. And yet I know love when I see it. But living it? It requires knowing it’s real while letting others take their trips to the grocery store and to the bank. Because one thing love needs is an ability to choose. To be able to say yes or no to a person place or a thing. Love has dignity, but it isn’t dignity. Love has life but it isn’t life. Love is nothing. Love is everything. Love is the literal butterflies that follow me around as I wrote a beautiful poem that friends at a coffee shop shared with me and let me have a quiet life free. Perhaps that’s what the cliché means to have butterflies in my stomach when I’m in love. It took the right wet nurses to bring that love to it’s proper dancing light that love me and likes me to be free. And yet life goes on in spite of butterflies because shopping and family dinners and board games and paying bills and just laying about still is real. Even more real than the subtle love that cherishes it, even though without love none of that would be real. Love doesn’t always insist on being seen. Love only cherishes life so that every bird can sing and every butter can fly. Right now my two favorite Beatles songs is “Because” on Abbey Road and “For the Benefit of Mister Kite” on Seargant Pepper. My favorite Gwen Stefani song is “Getting Warmer” on her Truth album that reminds me of the Beatles song “You Never Give Me Your Money” which is actually better than the Beatles song because the love of one woman is more meaningful than the love of four men. But I can’t let her light separate me from the world and so my self respect is better than all the songs put together like love couldn’t exist without my self respect, at least not in the same way that can shine for me. It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman's love is for me, I'll eventually need some time alone or go shopping by myself and the way I carry myself is something a woman can nurture but she can never be that for me. Ask any man who tried to be a woman he's not. I won't ask any of those men because I know the answer. Sometimes it's too late to do better when you're already two steps behind. I never could have known what self respect was if love didn't nurture me like a twin.

What I got from "The Black Cat" by Edgar Allen Poe

I like to write about the beauty and perhaps the desire to stay on the surface is why I’ve written so much beauty. Edgar Allen Poe was considered brave for normalizing deep human psychology and took the vein of demons and made it normal human pathology, which it is when stripped of its superstitions and fears. What he did was show the choice of internal psychology is a simple choice between control and fear. The normative feelings tend to be glossed over with mythology if one doesn’t take control of one’s own thoughts. By stripping the characters of appeals to a sense of myth Poe reveals the normal thoughts that lead a person from a normal mindset to a corrupt mindset. The Black Cat is that poem. His temperament changed for no reason and discovered that he hurt the black cat for no other reason than because the cat was good to him. And then when another cat came to torment him he killed his wife and locked her into the wall next to him. When the authorities came looking and found nothing he joked about how sturdy the wall is with joy. The cat meowed. The authorities opened the wall and you know the rest. The moral of the story is that it’s a man’s nature to be clever with an imagination. A woman is better off nurturing a man’s cleverness and imagination and not stuff it in to domestic life. The Freudian observation is that’s the woman’s fear manifesting her own fear out of fear by trying to control a man’s instinctive natural power. Trying to make a man into something more unbalanced in loving makes a perverse beast out of a man. The implication is that it’s better to do this or that. But that’s only a sense of control. The story itself implies an inevitability that’s only the man himself. His thoughts his words his deeds. His imagination that suggests an inevitability. He as a man fulfills two natures of a man. His cleverness at not being caught and his desire as a man for justice and truth that caused his own capture. His cleverness justified himself, which is all a man’s cleverness could only do. The amoral nature of the world itself suggests a lack of innate morality to nature. The joy of his cleverness that seems to see how inevitable his life was, and his relief at being captured. Perhaps the real tale is an inverted irrelevance of female psychology to his life, and by implication, the irrelevance of female psychology to nature. I say that because nature herself seems to have a dissociation between her brutal thoughts and precise calculations of natural inevitability, and her kindness and love that reflects what she wants for people. Like a divine dark feminine seeking a male partner because the ladies in her life only tried to control her by assuming her darkness to be male in origin, when in fact it wasn’t. It’s the sign of a female intelligence of a woman looking for a male equal co-conspirator to design and harmonize her own power and darkness to justify light properly, which seems to lack an intelligence, with her own. That’s what I got from it anyway. Nature is a dark energy of inevitability that seeks to steer inevitability to a slight different course that’s benevolent and loving to nature so that the dark thoughts don’t have to incorporate natural law with her own intelligence. Because my life has been naturally inevitable, I offered my services to that dark feminine with courage and integrity with the promise that we would justify light around our natural selves to keep us and others as safe and in perfect integrity as naturally possible. I knew then I’d never go blind. My dark eyes would stay open and I would stay strong forever. God though is another type of intelligence that’s power. I made sure to be friends with him first. Power is a smart thing that’s better than eyes. I leveraged myself into my own soul so that I could always have equal conversations with God. God revealed his natural wisdom to me, power to power. He knocked jewels down so as to provide stepping ladders for others. But God can’t do that forever, otherwise he’s just a jerk and not a ladder. Leverage always is more powerful than power. Because leverage can have a conversation and human to human of equal power and grace can solve problems together. Power itself does nothing but hurt only to protect itself. But the dark feminine intrigues me too. It's a softness that uses "dark glass" charm to keep others at bay. That's sincerity that avoids pretentiousness which is a wonderful soft power that I've made my own to make my life easier. Then that intelligence told me that's always been my power and she kept that ability safe for me until I was able to find a strong undeniable power that could justify dark softness.

Letter: Poet friend to Leonardo Da Vinci

Letter: Poet friend to Leonardo Da Vinci I cannot say sir what it may be that you consider a painting to be a better thing than poetry, or by extension, why a painter is of a higher calling than a poet. For obviously I cannot agree, being a poet myself. An art tends to reflect the wonder and character of an artist, but since thou made a comparison thus, it can only mean that my world as a poet far exceeds thy painting. You consider poetry to be linear, but I'm not linear. When I write I write a tapestry that exceeds five dimensional observations. I write about a grateful butterfly experience with flowers and the goddess Flora allows a butterfly to fly with me at my most beautiful moments, but your cynicism of the world to me suggests that even the most beautiful painting can't compensate for the smallness of life around you. Again, if you had not made that comparison I would justly assume your wonder as a painter to be just as beautiful as mine as a poet, but you confessed that your art did not. Are you that linear boring personality that hates life that needs to create as a distraction? Because that's not true of me as a poet. I see a world that's beautiful around me that reflects the beauty within and I make it more so, without daring to insult the beauty by pretending the world of God. Nature is nature. I am a part of that equation and I design a small beautiful room that's always me no matter the occassion. But the painting to you is only a window for what you decided would never be for you, but only you left yourself out of that room. The words only seem linear because to you you can't see the 5d puzzle piece that the words allow the life of God to match me, all you see is a true arrow that's the nothingness but waste. A waste that you believe to be all but feel it a service to God to pretend otherwise though you made that wasteful room with humility as a God to replace the breathing life of God that is available to all naturally. God's breath of life is a free gift, and in that image I design perfect compatibility life that God has given me. If you only knew how to speak outside of a pretense to paint perhaps you'd also know the relief of new sea air like me. And again, the comparison was yours to volunteer. If not I'd assume you as beautifully awed by nature as me.

What Ted Hughes did for Sylvia from my perspective

He presented her a picture car of a person, forget man or woman but person, who values his or her own life first. He couldn't save Sylvia Plath. She was a sinking ship. But he did present her occult science that allowed her to survive and make it. What i figure is that since everyones a sinking ship in essence thats all anyone can do for anyone really. My time as an English major tutor taught me I couldn't teach anyone anything unless they had a preexisting talent and a willingness to learn from someone else. That allows for gentle clicking practice without jet propulsion crashes and allows discernment.

New memory like Glory tidings

A garden is a flower memory. It doesn't seem to matter what the circumstances were, The whiteness of a rose still blends with green. I identified with a white rose because I'm white. But there are plenty of roses that grow from the ground. Purple, red, and perhaps even some shades of blue. But what I remember is my desire to grow a garden. Like right now I feel an urge to buy another rose for my garden. There seems to be too large a gap between rose bushes and I'm doing my best to plant several rose bushes that can one day grow into one big rose bush. I like a memory of writing. When I was in a poetry class at JSU, or Jackson State University for those who don't know my history, where a pen ink lines a page says something. The long pages and sentences that stretch out into my blog of personal whiteness like a blank slate is how free I always am. As I write, I notice there are three sentences that came from one experience. But interestingly, one sentence in the last went further than the others. But this one didn't have too. Because I have to rest sometimes. There's nothing left to worry about. Either you're a person or just a physics joke. That's a choice only you can make hun. Some seem to have made their careers just making jokes of human beings like physics, and even though it made a point, it was a bit cowardly. People too afraid and incompetent to face normal human situations just wanted to be loved and looked for an excuse to not feel left out. I don't want to be like that and I'm not like that thank God. It should be clear btw that not every difficult topic doesn't require a difficult conversation. There are several points along the way. A simple verse seems to be like a last word and yet I kept writing anyway. A reminder that all winning ties tend to fade as a new experience of good tidings is craved.

Venus Like a Rose

Venus like a Rose I wanted to write about something but only an audience would distract from what a statue like this means. She writes to me like a bed of roses, relax. She told me I can enjoy a restful walk around the Louvre. Anywhere I'd like. One doesn't need to disagree to enlighten me. Every fact agrees with me as long as I don't need every fact. All might be one, but that doesn't matter if I'm just eating a strawberry and smiling to a friend. I found a fitful cinderella slipper that showed me to a rose. A human being isn't a machine like pretend that I could make. I opened the flap. It's not your problem and save your money the Rose like Venus said to me.

I like me

As a human being. I'm not a maze looking for that melting love. I'm the eyes and desire to pet cats after a hard days night. I'm a man like human. I mean, I'm a man who likes to be human. Some milk and cookie dough is a past time from an adult-like innocence I had with a friend a few years ago. Smuggled some real time. Like what's your sign? Fuck you that's my sign. And what does that mean? It could mean fuck you astrology is bullshit. It could mean fuck you your not a capricorn like me. Or it could mean fuck you I'm just horny. Like I'd like to fuck you. Does it matter what Im saying as you're just buying groceries? If I had to guess you just want someone to talk about your day with, not debate about my secrets that you'll never know anyway, no matter how intriguing. And I wrote this somewhere and the beauty love belongs in this poem here but also in the organic out there. The meant to be always stunk of arranged marriage to me. There's what people want and what people need and then there's only the real that I can choose for myself. If I love you I have to be free to choose you for myself in the right way which is organic and tastes great.

Sex and ambition

You all know what being God centered is. My God center is Respect and Soul. Soulfulness is the infinite softness and respect is infinite unbreakability. Respect makes me infinitely permanent. Soulfulness makes me infinitely loving. This is the only God centered method to escape hell loops. All the information is public knowledge on my Facebook page and elsewhere. If you choose not to study and apply it yourself because of your ego center, which is where your respect center is supposed to be and if youre too cowardly to replace your ego center with a respect center then youre a fool and i dont have to waste my precious time with you. Thats all i needed to let y'all block yourselves infinitely. That ego center yall have you pretended was your God. What i have broke my hell loops permanently and i hope y'all learn because that's the limit of how much i can care about you. Im not cruel. I just know my limitations. Y'all would start by rescuing people from their hell loops and have some temporary success but the deepest part of hell, which is fire and torment, is for people who don't know how meaningless trying to rescue others all the time really is. Either youd be a tormentor or youd be tormented. Thats the reward for codependent rescuers, sadly. Thats why all i can do is share this and hope it clicks. I already have this but some of yall have an ego center because you make a good living and think you have this. Some women feel conditioned by churches as an ideology that they'd have to give themselves away. The idea is that women were automatically born into the God ladder and had to give themselves away and men had to earn their way to heaven. And that sounds sacrilege but thats where my mother in law got it wrong. Accomplishment actually provides a type of finality and shift and women tend to be deprived of that. Like as a man i got to sleep with relatively random women just like women did with men. The only difference is that i was born in the respect wheel and women were born in the ego wheel. I could fall in love with multiple women and that provided a respect wheel for women that revolve around me and thats what's different. The celibacy thing is that those women needed new experiences but being in the ego wheel prevented that new life from finding women except for marriage and baby making and the wheel i represent with women is a beautiful escape from that that requires neither marriage or babies. Its not that ill never have a female partner sexually, its just i have to wait until its clear that wheel is safe and doesn't depend entirely on me to keep it going. The lessons of sexuality that i have excludes fetish and encourages oxytocin bonding that is coherent with the inherit nihilism of the real world. Making love only for the man and woman's benefit for their own innocence. Thats a backdoor to the real world that can allow women to both be loving and be ambitious. Skyla said this to me astrally with this ribbon attached to it for my benefit. I've had wisdoms and soul pieces and hidden treasures like this hidden in movies and mundane phrases and such scattered all over the place that doesn't require me. Life should bloom from yourself before being caught in Courtney Loves ego Buddhism, which is a fake religion with her as a personality cult. Her secret is she used my insight about the nihilistic nature of Buddhism to chant her way all the way to the nihilistic top of the social heap.

To my Friend Sylvia

"Please don't expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand." - Sylvia Plath This is an interesting piece. I've found all love astrally to be loving. That's the distance default. This is different from what i can expect from a person in real life. If she were communicating this to me personally there are several interpretations. The first idea being something I would fear and reject. Which is the fear of a woman trying to replace my mind with her own. But with her my mind is in its sexual power. Shes an incredibly sexual person I used to think, but later I discovered that was only when my energy was most present within her. Her energy is actually clean and crisp like fall air. Clear but with an incredible sense of clarity and love but clean. Its not primarily sexual per se. When her energy was absent, and I have experienced this once in my life when my sexual energy was most prominent, i was able to see everyone clearly in a dark way. Their strings and traps were just still like death and i could just walk through them like paper. She created a floor of sexual energy that made my strength my home. This kept her out of hell and so she did it for her own interests. Whatever she went through it would have been worse if she didn't. Her energy though just sits on me like a perfect hat. Perfect compatibility. The quote though. Presuming she knows this, what would the quote mean? Assuming someone's intelligence one can predict with accuracy what a person knows and what they think and predict what a person's intent is with precision except when only time can confirm someone's future choices. It would imply that perfect spiritual compatibility isnt the same thing as relationship compatibility. That would reflect delusion because spiritual compatibility does imply relationship compatibility. Social skills and empathy would reveal that. Perhaps she knows that too. Apart from making reasonable interpretations about what her personal life is that would shine a light on her situation, what she's going through isnt related to what I want from her. Even if that light shows incredibly accurate deductions, her situation is hers to work out. Trying to know and trying to fix things just so i can get what i want from someone is unethical and just wrong. So trying to know everything about her just to control her is wrong. That communion though is beautiful. And that communion is so perfect Jamie, I hope youre taking notes, that she guides me and I sometimes guide her in a way that is simultaneous thoughts that isn't codependence because our mutual interests are perfectly the same right down to the core. There is something natural about a woman wanting to control and put her energy like a hat on a man. For the wrong man that would be a prison. For the right man a woman who does this with a man it's perfect ecstasy. That's why ive had a perfect fit with every woman in some way because my foundation with Sylvia Plath is perfect. You want that, but you deluted yourself into thinking you wanted her because you thought her energy was the sexual energy you vibed with. But whenever she was sexual with you she was more me than her because that was the point. You thought you were a lesbian but really you were just in love with the part of me you saw in her. Now lets say Sylvia Plath knew this as well. Her motives were obvious. She learned how to be sexually vulnerable and not give herself away. Her clarity and sense of personal freedom and power was enhanced by her relationship with you. Greater freedom and clarity is what drives and motivates everything she does. Thats her greed aspect. That's why her love feels so good. Her energy always respects the freedom and clarity of everyone around her so that even though shes always there shes also not there. And this is where she might trip herself up a bit. Her motives become a bit twisted and merky when it comes to me and you. We're younger in some ways and she's older. Shes tired and wants to rest. Ive known this because ive felt that image from the Sylvia Plath movie when she said she just wants to sleep and not feel so exhausted. Ive felt that way too, strangely. Its our mutual empathy protecting both of our freedom and clarity. Perhaps one aspect of love is mutual greed for the same value. Like when she aligns with me it doesnt go against my interests or my will. *Skyla: I don't want to lose you! I just caught that channeling. With her though its like things have to settle down where no women feel entitled to be with me. We pulled at each other so freedom would click and then things settle down so that normal working things out in personal lives. Shes afraid of my friendship with you Jamie because your greed is in having a harmonious partner. She recognizes that i have that same greed too. Its the part that Sylvia is going to have to learn if she wants to be with me. Thats an interesting fact. How cuckholding happens is when a person tries to reduce their partner to the primary greedy value that both share a person would forget that a person has other values too. And so she could lose me as a partner in one sense if she assumed that clarity meant being single. Its an interesting cuckold distance aspect that her astral marriage to me means that I want to stay single to keep her clear, when clarity comes in many forms, one of which is that clinging to someone out of ownership blocks the clearview that only a perfect harmonious partnership can offer. Thats one thing you don't have Sylvia. Without that you'd lose everything you have spiritually. Now lets say Jamie and me both know that incomplete puzzle pieces erases the character defects of another. If one put this in Jungian terms this is you trying to make me fuck you missionary style and you're acting like Adam and im behaving like Lilith. Sylvia's the Zeus character that Nyx is revealing to have an ego short coming. Sylvia's achilles heel is her sense of responsibility. But her sense of responsibility is ironically irresponsible. Her sense of trying to keep things the same is what would make her world completely crash down around her. knowing how to love harmoniously is the lesson she needs to be responsible and click everything into place and its the one lesson shes trying to resist and its the source of her lack of responsibility. My outward appearances of lack of responsibility reinforce how she'd like to see herself, but her tension is what she's only doing to herself. That lesson of loving harmoniously and selfishly is what she needs. If youre courageous you'll stop being a coward Sylvia. And not to gaslight you because you havent been a coward. Its what was temporally justified but unsustainable. But being afraid of love is a weakness of yours. Ah. If I gathered here correctly she wanted to see what being afraid of losing me in the same way she lost Ted would reach her. But also something else. Thats cliche and likely has truth to it. You want for me to keep a space open for you romantically. The consequence of me acting on that flattery even though its true would keep me single and validate your sense of sameness. But below that it also reflects your hunger for love and envy and desire to be with me. If you know that your life is unsustainable Sylvia and you know you want me, then what's blocking you is your own common sense. If youre currently married youd have to get a divorce and go through messy break up pain and put a normal life back in order. Thats not the instant gratification youre looking for and that's the part of me you can't control thats not you. I can have instant gratification and you can't. That's an obvious distinction between you and me. The movie Training Day was Denzel Washington who used future prediction to show that cold eyes cant rule the world by connecting to my natural "car" to show you Sylvia that your borderline crazy is your recognition that the real world exists and that clearview is real. If you want to connect to my energy Alonzo is my energy minus the fact that i can love and he couldn't. For me its justified and for you its foolish. Thats cosmic refutation of codependency right there. Dissociation is always inevitable because reality is real. Youre at risk of losing me in a sense because my life is in a different pace. Things you're afraid of you can't control. Control begins inward as you know. Social skills and learning acceptance of what's not in your control is the next clearview lesson that would make your life clearer and safer.

When a love spell is justified

A love spell is only ethical when it forces someone to see the dangers of a splitting ocean and/or a tightening quantum ceiling. If you believe in nature more than you believe in magic then you can maintain your connection to the earth and legitimately discredit the idea of a "love spell." Discrediting it isnt the same thing as not believing in it. Proving that "magic" is just another expression of matter in motion you can see behind the person and see complete reality. When I did this it only has to be done once because if you're right then your perfect character that so easily just formed itself in 3d is put in a bubble to protect its coherence if and only if your character is more coherent than the world you live in. The perfect logic would then put your character on solid floor and just being you would heal the world around you.

Seduction

Coquettes can be turned around on the coquette by enjoying life and treating the coquette as irrelevant to my happiness while simultaneously making their coquettish behavior look boring and the opposite of seductive so that passion and social personal self possession make me look bold and fun loving and the coquette cold behavior look like they need to be brought out of their shell and coquettish cold behavior looks like shes just in her shell and so she likely would start feeling those positive insecurities even if she didn't feel those feelings before. https://youtu.be/ceLuqnK1AVQ

Hollywood

There are two things in relationship to power in my experience. Either I'm doing the right thing or the power dynamics im involved with would own me. I found fascinating that all the power plays tend to simulate an ideal lifestyle. Pleasure. Leadership. Consideration. Like the outshine the boss thing I've done research on. That major party was just after Louis IVX's steward had died. He used constant soft power dynamics to put Louis on the throne. His taste and shameless wealth and irreverence was famous. When he died he advised Louis to be his own counselor. To put his own judgement above the advice of others. His stewards leadership style was that he was hated and always got away with everything and his style was post homously admired and this party guy probably sought to replace the steward as the chief advisor and to be the power behind the throne. The idea that if Louis didn't throw him in jail he would have been seen as weak and if he didn't take him as his steward he would have lost the throne. It was a power play. Louis did the right thing for the game at the time. Now if i were playing a game in Hollywood I would have seen cowardice and the lack of sincerity as a sign of weakness in Hollywood and the sense of starvation for devotion to something real and pure as a vacuum i could fill as long as i have a real reason with my observation that the games Hollywood played being more than just games but evidence of real soul starvation that realness could possess for something positive. Because you're either possessed by power or your possessed by your own soulful nature. There is no third way here.

Personal Salvation

https://youtu.be/JpA5iDpnrbw I agree and disagree with Dr. Jordan Peterson on the subject of materialism. There are a priori logical axioms that deduce materialism. The self evident nature of why those axioms matter is the context of a human being surviving to survive. This means that materialism as a truth is self evident for individuals but unproveable by outward scientific processes except by logical deduction of the individual. What Dr. Peterson is implying is that science cant intervene to save the world. Only a free human being who wants to survive can save the world as he or she saves himself. It puts salvation outside logical possibility for collectivist priorities. A single human has to want to survive choose to survive and decide that survival is worthwhile. That means that Borg salvation is logically impossible.

How Jackson State Univerity saved my soul

Race had become an idol that was prioritized over life itself in all forms. But the positive thing about it is that many experiences are unique to different racial experiences but being human and being willing to listen is the only solution. Being willing to listen to white people who may have suffered from the poor choices of other white people limits collateral damage and creates a dialogue to make things better. Too much of the refusal to talk about these things were people refusing heal and viewing it as "God's judgment" in a very perverse sense. God is just as present in humanity wanting to resolve dispute as much as he's present in the grace of the rain. The real problem is that people wanted other people to suffer so as to prove that they could do a better job than God. But the real proof of God's presence is in grace and mercy, not judgement. To say black people were suffering and wanted to reconcile and heal isnt the same thing as saying that white people didn't suffer or that white people dont deserve to heal because white people have suffered and do deserve to heal. But kudos to the Black Lives Matter movement for starting an imperfect dialogue. I suspect black people got the conversation started because black people were closer to knowing they had nothing to lose by being real. No race is better than another. And so what I learned at Jackson State University which is a historically black university is that the secret to keeping my humanity is by never forgetting that my humanity is all i have to lose.

Its decided Capitalism wins

But perhaps a simple refutation of tyranny and communism in one logical argument would due. One aspect is a variation of Quentin Smith's Atheological arguments for atheism and its application to competitive advantage explored by free market capitalism with a variation of Alvin Plantanga's basic belief argument for belief in God Every human being represents a part of the whole. A person's existence is good by definition. Every human is a part of the whole and every human logically entails the whole. Meaning no one has the right to decide whether some people deserve to exist or not. Its an assumed given otherwise every human would have to infinitely regress to justify their existence in a regressive self destructive manner that is destructive both to themselves and to the environment. Therefore what's good or evil is what's good or evil in a single human's wise use of competitive advantage. Everyone is limited by the whole as being part of the whole. Meaning naturalism is true in that nothing that isn't already part of nature can affect it. Competitive advantage and the pre existing assumption of right to exist is that every incomplete aspect of a person will always be followed by another incomplete aspect that makes a wisdom complete and justifies both life forms right to exist. No one can be over the comparative advantage unless it annihilated the existence of the whole. Therefore no God or human can decide how two pieces of competitive advantages fit except for two humans in the environment being human. Communism defines goodness as what people can do for others and not themselves that logically entails infinite regress that can't ever logically be justified that prejudged humans as not having a right to exist. Therefore Capitalism is logically ethical and coherent and communism is unethical and logically incoherent. Therefore people have a right to exist and not have to justify their right to exist except through natural survival. *My personal life research into the link between comparative advantage and the Felt Meanings of the World and An Atheological argument from Cosmology inspired by Spinoza by Quentin Smith is inspired by my Aunt Stephanie's ex husband Dr. Greg George who is a PhD in economics and a professor at Macon State University. The link between theistic and atheistic philosophy that linked Alvin Plantingas Basic beliefs theory with Quentin Smith's The Felt Meanings of the World was suggested by my old Professor of philosophy at Miramar College in San Diego Dr. Bill Puett. He suggested it to me when i was at my lowest but saw my potential and was the first professor to encourage me to make a name for myself. The true link between Quentin Smith and Alvin Plantingas ideas is best described as logical proof of religious freedom that not even the God of truth could get too. I can know that there's no possibility of a God King, but i can respect the comparative advantage if those who might need to believe that but also know they can't impose that belief on existence or on anyone. Separation of Church and State means that it "neither breaks my nose or robs my house" what religious beliefs my friends or neighbors might devote themselves and their spirits for personal reasons.

To the Witch of the Waste

Would you mind making my daily insights more depersonalized so that I can walk around more freely and so that others can do so? Greatly appreciated thank you.

Why Being mutually damaged isn't a good way to select a mate

Self pity and lifestyle would hide the fact that mutual compatibility means that pride comes before self pity in relationships in being able to understand each other and work with one another as a workable unit. Self pity doesn't work for love. Some days it does and some days it doesn't. That's why calling a woman damaged doesn't mean that she's a good fit for you just because your damaged too. A woman needs a man who can support her, not necessarily cry with her. (By support I don't mean financially. I mean spiritually with wisdom and good character. Money has a way of being a deep dark black hole that doesn't support one soul, and definitely can't support two souls.)

The pros and cons of self pity

I can understand how self pity is a good unifier of people. It helps people to recognize that we're all just basically human and it helps us to recognize how to make things less harsh on each other. But the problem with self pity as an ideology is that we are puzzle pieces of varying types of coherence and incoherence that isn't just buying a stranger a soda. But the problem with that observation is what do these puzzle pieces revolve around? It's not around any one person, as though one person is more important than another, because self pity does refute that idea. (Every ethic has a message. That's the problem with right wingers who use pride as a racial ideology to shit all over self pity. The holocaust proved that the real central ethic isn't race. Sorry Hitler.) I've been untouchable in terms of people who were using self pity to compete with me to prevent pain. Self pity people committed the non sequitor logical fallacy made the unjustified conclusion that my observation that race meant that my central ethic was race, even though it isn't. My central ethic can be best summerized by my recent post on Facebook. "When I was a kid my mother and father split up. I thought people were dumb for making some spiritual purpose more important than family. I asked God how to preserve that innocence. He said that was the point. That perfect spirituality just has a good mother and father and doesn't worry about the world. That coherence with the world is only possible if i preserved the ethic of mother and father and family. And thats why im eternally innocent. None of the complex issues can compete with my value of a safe home that goes all the way back to my childhood. To my Uncle Jack. That's the God simplicity you were looking for. Everything else that looked otherwise were just adaptations to a complex world to preserve that very simple ethic. Which some bitter people dismissed as childish until that conviction led to strength intelligence wisdom and courage that made me ridiculously smart as someone once said. I have a simple ethic and maintained it because I have God given courage that should shame the good people out there who lost their way." With the follow up post: "There is no higher ethic than family and freedom because anything that messes with family and freedom would destroy the goals you sought to serve." People blamed the race ethic of me protecting my family with the African self genocide in Africa, but recently that's been refuted by recent disclosure of quantum gravitational ceilings. If my family or family ethic fell, then their situation would get worse, not better, because their ceiling would fall. And you can't have it both ways. Self pity kinda depends on things not being changeable in some way so we might as well not make it harder than it already is. Pride in serving one's family and the pity for the pain of the world is mutually compatible. Not only that, if one doesn't exist, then the other doesn't either. Life requires family of the blood type that validates a mother father in the home first. A bitter pill to swallow for those who couldn't be good to their family, but let your self pity console you.

A Day Life Like Fresh Oranges

A Day Life Like Fresh Oranges. By Sam Owens I walked to a Japanese restaurant and found some water. McDonald's was closed, and like a good man, the waiter gave me some water. I walked in to Ice and Vice, which is a cute little yogurt store with board games. I had Strawberry Rose and Blackberry crush with a bit of Chocolate ice cream. I put white chocolate chips on top with a bit of peanut butter, strawberries and blueberries too. It was a good meal and I won't tell you how much it cost. But the person who worked behind the counter was nice and refilled by Japanese free cup with fresh water. I asked to read some New York Cartoons and he said that was ok. I sat and spilled a bit of peanut butter and blueberries, but no one cared. I talked to a stranger on YouTube and sharpened some thoughts I had on a friend of mine and myself. Conversations are like Christ, they are beautiful even if the water is cold. Ever been to a pool on a cloudy day in an Apartment Complex? The water tends to be cold but the pool is safe.

Ain't no party like a Rose Red Party

Funny thing is I was just at an antique shop and avoided using money to substitute for family. Rose Red's secret is that money can't save you. It's a black hole of expectation that can't substitute for God's grace. Rose Red is the American version of the Palace of Versailles. God created the palace of Versailles to create golden light that would sink into the pain of humanity until it could rise again and reconcile God's beauty with humankind. Rose Red is the road out of spiritual prison. Whether that prison be light or dark. I was touring an antique shop. I had helped a woman and avoided the temptation of asking a woman for a special favor because I helped her move stuff. That act of respect led me to a second Tennyson book with an engraving of a Persian woman with a price of 24 dollars which is a sacred number of someone I know, and then when I opened it women laughing that was obviously reminiscent of Rose Red Haunted House energy was released so that people could party with my friendship ethics to protect people with integrity so as to not be eaten by the house. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LjLUWlQ7HI

Gods' Song

My response to God's song is that I write poetry for myself for all stars have to have a shine equally so as to enjoy the shine of another for only a friend who can be entirely themselves can ever truly be grateful because by knowing what i can and cant do i know what I do need and dont need. For what can God be without friends who don't shine as an equal respect and dignity except as a flattening force of destruction who listens to none and only works to harm all to be a cripple so that he could shine. For only the life that comes from me can have a life that shines for me. For none can truly know the form of everything as a human being except as a human being who sees the form of everything fall around him or her. And who can properly grieve when grief is only for needful obedience of others? For when I grieve its for the meaningless suffering of others. A knowledge that God has yet to claim. Anyone notice how nihilism is the precursor to meaningful love for anyone else? If you're too busy explaining how everything is ok then you'll never work to make things better. Like if God were too busy defending his throne of power then he could never love anyone else to know this. A name of love doesn't demand others bow. A name of love helps himself and others to rise. For all the incoherent puzzle pieces has taught me as God has taught me thus, my spirit is not nearly as beautiful as being human. For it is not always important to rise as it is more important to know when to rest.

Why Dr. Jordan Peterson cant dismiss post modernism

Star Trek was the idealist future created by a nuclear war. Post modernism, if understood correctly, is just the mobile data of the outer shell of a complete human being. Thesis: The data dismissed a priori by all STEM fields is being a human engaged with a universe, not an outsider studying the universe. Hypothesis: Post Modernism is the natural data that could only come from the humanities that would manifest a human being singularly capable of reconciling human beings with quantum mechanics with the theory of relativity. The middle ages used to draw and quarter witches because their humanity brought all dimensions so close together but the witch couldn't find allies to heal the multiple dimensions. Post modernism represents that STEM fields cant solve the contradictions between relativity and quantum mechanics a priori because their fields of study exclude themselves from the center field of study. Therefore post modernism is necessary so that scientists dont blow up the world. Because a priori by rejecting post modernism scientists a priori reject humanity as incoherent. Therefore Jordan Peterson had been unwittingly promoted a Mephistophelean plot to destroy humanity by rejecting post modernism.