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 No. You weren't being straightforward. It only would be so if I assumed you were being straightforward. That's called circular reasoning. 

But I posted here because I don't want to spam your page. But the benefit of what I said, and this explains the apparent spam, is that so much of what is said is relevant not only to that page. One has to look at more than one thing and be able to "turn one's head" so that one isn't trapped in 2d. 

That's why I have this blog. 

I don't know why it hurt my feelings. I guess when I'm lied too it kinda hurts. You're smart enough to know better but you played dumb. Probably for a good reason. Common sense. That you knew it had value and shutting the door on other types of spam. That type of thing. 

But even knowing better still kinda hurt a bit. I guess that's why whenever I get into spiritual contracts I always make sure that if they agree to help me that I always have an equal type of leverage. 

Bitterness and pain tend to be more powerful than common sense. People tend to be smarter when they start than when they finish. 

But I did just get reminded that sometimes I hurt easy around some people. I have so many layers of defenses though I don't always look that way to anyone. 

There's no better defense against hurt feelings than being professional in something. Whether that's spiritual teaching, working, goals, humor, etc. Everything has a professional public aspect to it. That protects my feelings, which can be pretty sensitive at times. I have a strength that I've nurtured over time as well, and a strong will. That's about my goals and my ability to distinguish myself from others. Where they're at versus where I'm at. That distinction creates distance and objectivity that protects my feelings too. Whether I'm more advanced than them, their words would have a context. If they're more advanced than me, then being teachable is a professional layer too. Humility and acceptance too. Like if I did something or fell short and I was honest I'd say "my bad" and it wouldn't hurt because of professional courtesy of living. 

But in this case it was like there was none of these. There was an equality of vulnerability, and no professional layer for a brief second. That actually hurt a bit. Been a long time since anyone was ever able to honestly hurt my feelings. I've had been irritated or tired or worn out or even a little frustrated. But those aren't even really feelings except for surface. Kinda nice to experience a bit of sincerity. But I hope you realize that pain isn't the only form of sincerity. Just like anger isn't the only form of passion.

There was a movie line in the Sylvia Plath movie "Sylvia" that was not in the original film. In the original film it was just a steady stream of denial from Ted and Sylvia's frustrated accusations. 

But in the new film there was a scene that one could see Gwyneth Paltrow who played Sylvia start to laugh but pretend to cry because she seemed to think that's what she was supposed to do. 

He was like "All right I fucked her. I fucked her I admit it. And you know what it was fucking glorious. Holding her ass holding her nipples. I thought that's what you wanted to hear." 

It seemed to me that it was kinda funny in a serious moment. My understanding of Sylvia Plath's past life there was to learn to be passionate and not just intelligent. Her prolific output was more like God's grace that comes from social acceptance that seemed to carry her. And the death energy that came from knowing her predicament hid her lack of passion well. 

 

Her arguments with Ted seemed to be a fake it till you make it so as to find her art. But passion is about a range of emotion. Laughter is the best form of that. 

 

How that seemed to cross over, assuming my Jungian analysis to be correct, is a film in which she read her poetry with Ted Hughes and an interviewer. The laughter and joy and happiness that came from that showed that she did accomplish that in that life. She discovered and learned passion and happiness and not just anger. 

 

That video proved her crowning accomplishment in art in that life. Some things though you have to relearn. 

 

I met Quentin Smith once the philosopher before he died and I said "I hate devil's advocates" expressing my frustration. He said he loved them because you're not actually falling back from what you've gained you're just in a spiral upward to be more whole. 

I'm in grace too. I started with social skills at the top level of spiritual growth when I was born. So that's why it looks so easy for me. This is a grace for me. 

I asked God for him to bless my social abilities with his light. That gave them eternal life so that I could still be divine and responsible even when his presence was directly around me so that I could have oxygen wherever I went. 

That's a grace. But you have to ask God for that. It can't be earned. It's grace not works or being "worthy" in some way. No one is "worthy." Not one. But closed mouths don't get fed. Unteachable people don't get taught.