A short story

 I went to where the shop is. Breath of air is where I like to have white chocolate strawberry cookies. 

Sometimes the reason a guy likes to do things with other women that he used to do with someone he used to know is because that's the cycle he has to offer. It isn't because he doesn't see her as a special person or a different person or a unique person. 

At least that's what describes me. I mean otherwise I would have been trapped. All I ever have is what I already have. 

If I take you to a restaurant that I took my ex, it isn't because I want you to be her. It's because that's what I have to start with. 

You're the new X factor. The variable. The newness to me. 

There's some humility in that. A willingness to melt the ego of a previous relationship and set the energy free so that I can reinvest it as a part of myself. 

That's the other side of cheating. I was with my wife and she had a crush on a woman that preferred me instead. That's a big ego buster. Women are accustomed to using lesbian relationships to validate their specialness to leave men feeling ordinary and left out while stealing his energy. 

But she didn't do that. She recognized that that was what my wife wanted to happen, so she used a loving memory I had with my wife as I read Sylvia Plath poetry that validated her specialness that left my wife out. But it wasn't anything sinister. Me and her already had a love cycle started even before I met her. One that was united by God and the devil and Truth and blessed by Jesus himself. 

I told her how beautiful she is by admiring her poetry to her. Which is my absolutely sincere attitude to Sylvia Plath's poetry. Her work is some of the most beautiful poetry ever written in my opinion. 

My ex knew that implied a deeper understanding that left her feeling ordinary. 

But my ex had set up that cycle by cheating on me before. 

I was just about to write a story and this truth came out. 

The lesson here is that this truth is providing a blank slate for me to experience something new. 

My nihilism protects my ethics from appeals of people who want to be rescued.